Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Dasani-One Know What I Mean?

I just learned (thanks to Gothamist) that Wes Anderson has directed a series of commercials for Dasani Water ... which leads me to wondering what kind of downward spiral Wes is on these days.

Let's start off with: Commercials? Who are we talkin about here -- McG?! So fine, let's say he needed to make a quick buck to buy a new pair of Wallaby's. Of all the products on Earth, WHY DASANI? This has to be the foulest, most after-taste leaving H2NO on earth. I'd rather lick acid rain off a homeless dog's paw then imbibe this mineral-pumped liquid. OK, not quite, but I'd definitely rather drink a SoBe, number 2 on my things of not to drink. (Absinthe is a paltry number 14, following clam juice and Gary Busey's saliva.)

The idea for the commercial itself is also pretty nightmare inducing -- check out this picture for starters:

No amount of whimsy or chamber music will make that human mouse any less creepy. The premise is that animals drink more water than humans, so they would probably have a better idea about what's delicious water. Yeah, that's a great one -- the dog that lives in my imagination drinks out of the toilet whether or not it's flushed, so I'm sure he'll just loooove Dasani.

Word the the Wes: How about instead of making second-rate water ads, you film this little ditty of a short movie that I wrote about a woman who pretends her and her 5 year old daughter are best friends/roomates so as not to scare off any potential boyfriends, film it, cut it, Fed Ex it over to Jimmy Brooks and get this little "career" of mine launched already, you prick.

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