Wednesday, January 18, 2006

My Turkish Sweet Sixteen

Leave it to Matt Drudge to give this whole pesky "Bird Flu Pandemic" a heart:

Bird flu, shmird shmlu, what IS it like being socially alienated from your peers in Turkey?

And now, for a very special episode of "My Turkish Sweet 16", or "Tatli On Alti":

Makbule: Oh My Allah, who are you going to invite to your "Sweet Sixteen", Söğüda?

Söğüda: Allah, I don't know! So far I've invited Yağmur, Dilruba, Boğaçhan, and Çağatay.

Jülide: You invited Çağatay?! You have such a crush on him!

Söğüda: I do not!

Makbule: Oh my Allah, you so do. Everyone knows.

Jülide: What about Kevser?

Söğüda: No way! Kevser only had one shoe on during prayer yesterday... it's like, Hello, Kevser! Buy another shoe already. He is so poor, I hate him.

Makbule: Allah, totally. Did you invite Zülal?

Söğüda: Zülal? Are you serious?

Jülide: Uh, Makbule, haven't you heard?

Makbule: Heard what...

Jülide: Zülal totally has BIRD FLU!

Makbule: What?!

Jülide: Yeah! Have you been living under a sallamak or something? She was playing with some chicken heads in her Papa's masonry shoppe and got BIRD FLU. I swear to Allah.

Makbule: Allah, I had no idea.

Söğüda: I tell you this much: If that BITCH Zülal thinks she can show up at MY party, with BIRD FLU, she is wrong! I will BEAT HER ASS if she brings her chicken-coughing ugly-effing FACE in my 16th BIRTHDAY PARTY! My father did not pay 5.7 billion to the 5th power Lira to have all 14,000 guests end up a national news headline. Bitch will die. I swear to Allah.

(Jülide and Makbule share an uncomfortable glance)

Jülide and Makbule (overlapping): Yeah... bi-bitch... bitch deserves it... yeah.

Zülal: She just wants to be loved.

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