Thursday, January 19, 2006

Is This The Way To Pee-Your-Pants-Ville?

Back when I was overseas (a phrase I've recently used so often it sounds like I'm a syphilitic sailor who was stationed in a Thai port town, when really I am a syphilitic lady who was stationed in Eastern Europe), one thing my friends and I loved to do was watch the MTV Hits Channel. This might explain why I rang in the earliest hours of 2006 laying in a bed built in 1842, watching Newlyweds, and eating bagel chips (i.e., the ideal New Years.)

Geraldine had just about given up on living, that is until she noticed the plate of lemon poppy muffins, lovingly baked by her husband, Frank, a notorious feeder.

There were certain videos that we couldn't get enough of: Kanye West's "Heard Em Say" (animated by Bill Plympton, don't think I didn't lose my shit when I first saw it!), Madonna's "Hung Up" (trite, I know, but addictive), anything by Robbie Williams, and a cover of Phil Collins' "Against All Odds" by "X-Factor" winner Steve Brookstein who not only is adorable (and need I point out, a Jew), but also shares the same velvety tones of legendary Michael McDonald, not a Jew. (See also, the biggest picture of Michael McDonald... ever; also, Michael McDonald's black, gay twin.)

There's something eerily Terminator 2 about this picture, and yet, I can't deny that I'm attracted to this Silver Fox. Nuclear Holocaust is much more appealing when there's inspirational music involved.

But then... then there were those videos that seemed to play on repeat, over and over again, til we wanted to bust a cap in our own flabby asses. Namely two songs: Nizlopi's "JCB", a seemingly cute song about a young boy who rides around with his "Da" all day instead of being in school, but, like fascism, the more you hear about it, the more you grow against it. The other song which is no stranger to the States is "My Humps", which I don't want to talk about because 8 of my kitty lives have already floated up to heaven following post-Humps aneurysms.

Although with a face like that, Fergie's "humps" are pretty enticing.

OK so why all this ranting? One video, shown only a handful of times, was so good, the song so catchy, the video so funny, that I just had to tell you about it. It's called "Is This The Way To Amarillo?", sung by Tony Christie in 1971, and the video stars some very famous British celebrities, namely the star, Peter Kay. If you're a Brit, you're probably rolling your eyes right now (the song was a #1 hit for a few weeks) -- but here in the U.S., this song/video has never really been heard! So I bring it to you.


Read the history of the song and video here.

And because I realize this post was more educational than entertaining or interesting, perhaps this joke from last night's Joan Rivers Show at The Cutting Room will suffice: "Sometimes I look down and think I'm wearing grey bunny slippers, then I realized that my vagina's dropping." She also made some joke about a man on a toilet, with sagging balls, steeping a teabag in the water, something something, but I clearly just fucked that up hard. Joan, please forgive me, we love you.

All I kept thinking during the show was, "Good God! She was the robot maid in Spaceballs!!" Oh, and also how I'm dying to BE her. All in due time, Collins, all in due time.

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