Conversations with Mother, Part 2,355: "Where the Hell Did You Get These Towels?"

Why hello there, faithful readers who are still checking in with lil' ol' MimiCoco! How've you been these last couple of lonely months? As I type this, a loud bang occurs outside of my window and a man screams... New York City! You know what I mean?

Anyway, enough about you, here's how I've been. I traveled back to my hometown of Miami, Florida last week to visit my parents whom I hadn't seen since the beginning of the year. I spent my 5 day minibreak wisely, doing some killer outlet shopping -- don't get me started on the $8,000 Michael Kors Pocahontas bag I picked up at Neiman's for a steal! ($2,100) -- and taking hundreds of photos of the original ghost baller himself, Lutzy, in the hopes of making it onto this site. Here's a preev:


(Kitty throat clear): I dreamed a dream in time gone by, When hope was high, And life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die! I dreamed that God would be forgiving! (Cue soft paws clapping.)

I also managed to exchange the usual pleasantries with my mother, including this little ditty, which I am entitled "The L.L. Bean Towel Incident":

(Cut to my mother, folding up my already clean laundry, which she insists on rewashing because she doesn't trust the detergent I buy. She grabs an oversized white towel with a navy blue "M" embroidered onto it.)

Mother: WHERE DID YOU GET THIS TOWEL?
Me: Oh, the L.L. Bean Outlet in Maine. They put the "mistake" towels in a bin for like $6, and I found one with an M on it. Why?
Mother: IT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL TOWEL! IT'S HUGE!!
Me: I know.
Mother: AND THE PILE... IT'S SO THICK! WHY, I THINK THIS MIGHT BE ONE OF THE NICEST TOWELS I'VE EVER SEEN!
Me: Do you want it?
Mother: Nuch, get out of here!
Me: I can buy you one online and ship it here... they're like $20...
Mother: Uch, please, keep your money, do me a favor... I don't NEED any towels.
Me: Are you sure? I'm glad to do it.
Mother: MICHELLE, PLEASE! Get out of here with your idiot ideas.

Cut to: The Next Morning.

Me: (Washing my face, and drying it on one of my parents' towels. As my face pulls away, the entire towel is soaked in blood, because that is how hard and stiff and sandpapery it is.)


This towel is literally absorbing every ounce of moisture from my body!

Thankfully this will all be part of the upcoming horror movie I'm writing called "Mother's Towels."

I'd also hand out a made up invisible award to my favorite Google search used to get to this blog this week, to the brilliance that is: pregnant half human half horse dream.


FINALLY!!! ONE LAST THING!!!

For the entire month of October, I will be hosting a stand-up comedy show on Tuesday night's at 10 PM at Rififi! Please join me this Tuesday as I welcome my guests: Dave Hill, Adam Cole-Kelly and Sara Jo Alloco and Brandy Barber to the stage!!!

The details:
Just an Evening? with Michelle Collins
Tuesday October 2 (and all other October Tuesdays)
10 PM
$5
Rififi
332 East 11th St BTWN 11th and 12th