Monday, November 12, 2007

SHOW TONIGHT! Tell Your Friends @ Lolita Bar

Hi all,

My hosting duties continue all this month and next, as I host "Tell Your Friends", the long-running hit alternative comedy show in the Lower East Side. Tonight's line-up is stellar:
November 12th @ 8:00 PM
Christian Finnegan (Best Week Ever)
Brian Baumley (Stand Up NY)
Leo Allen (Premium Blend, Writer for SNL)
Tom Shillue (Comedy Central Presents)

Lolita Bar: 266 Broome Street, New York, NY 10002, between Allen and Orchard Street.

So, you know... "TELL YOUR FRIENDS!"

Hope to see you later!

Monday, October 29, 2007

LAST SHOW! Tomorrow night, Join me!

**Last Show**Last Show**Last Show**Last Show**Last Show**Last Show**Last Show**Last Show

TOMORROW NIGHT! 10 PM! LAST SHOW!

My month long residency at Rififi end tomorrow night, everyone. It's gonna be a big show, and I hope you can make it!

Please join me tomorrow night, when I welcome my dear guests:

VICTOR VARNADO
- Too many things to mention, here's his IMDB link http://imdb.com/name/nm0890075/ A TREAT OF A MAN!

BARON VAUGHN - Funnyman extraordinaire, on 8,000 college tours at any given time!

JOE MANDE - One of the Heeb 100, One of My Top 5 Kikes of All Time

NICK STEVENS - Took time out of his ESPN Taping Sched to join us!

$5!

Rififi
332 E. 11th St. btwn 1st & 2nd Ave
Tuesday, October 30 @ 10 PM

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Join Me Tonight!

Hey all, it's that time of week again... time for my Tuesday Night Extravaganza at Rififi!

My month long show "Just an Evening?" (which I'm considering changing to "Just a Chat!") at Rififi continues tomorrow night at 10 PM with these amazing comics:

You've seen him on The Rejection Show, and you might be his neighbor in Brooklyn... JON FRIEDMAN!

The charming host of hit viral video sensation Best Night Ever.... MICHAEL CYRIL CREIGHTON!

Yet... another charming host of hit viral video sensation Best Night Ever, he's a Sunday night staple at Rififi... MAX SILVESTRI!

And me! I have a presentation involving goats, so don't miss it!

And to fulfill my usual audience desperation quota in these e-mails: PLEASE COME AND BRING MANY FRIENDS!

These shows are always really fun, and at only $5... how dare you not come?

Rififi
332 E. 11th St. btwn 1st & 2nd Ave
Tuesday, October 16 @ 10 PM


Hope to see you!

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

TONIGHT! Just an Evening? with Me!

TONIGHT TONIGHT TONIGHT!! 10 PM @RIFIFI OCTOBER 9

Hey guys,

My month long residence "Just an Evening?" at Rififi continues tonight at 10 PM with these amazing comics - all of whom you've seen on TV!

Kurt Braunohler
Baron Vaughn
Hayes Hargrove
Gabe & Jenny

And to fulfill my usual audience desperation quota in these e-mails: PLEASE COME AND BRING MANY FRIENDS!

These shows are always really fun, and at only $5...

Rififi
332 E. 11th St. btwn 1st & 2nd Ave
Tuesday, August 21 @ 10 PM

I will be singing the sextet from Lucia di Lammermoor ALONE!

Feverishly,
Michelle

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Conversations with Mother, Part 2,355: "Where the Hell Did You Get These Towels?"

Why hello there, faithful readers who are still checking in with lil' ol' MimiCoco! How've you been these last couple of lonely months? As I type this, a loud bang occurs outside of my window and a man screams... New York City! You know what I mean?

Anyway, enough about you, here's how I've been. I traveled back to my hometown of Miami, Florida last week to visit my parents whom I hadn't seen since the beginning of the year. I spent my 5 day minibreak wisely, doing some killer outlet shopping -- don't get me started on the $8,000 Michael Kors Pocahontas bag I picked up at Neiman's for a steal! ($2,100) -- and taking hundreds of photos of the original ghost baller himself, Lutzy, in the hopes of making it onto this site. Here's a preev:


(Kitty throat clear): I dreamed a dream in time gone by, When hope was high, And life worth living. I dreamed that love would never die! I dreamed that God would be forgiving! (Cue soft paws clapping.)

I also managed to exchange the usual pleasantries with my mother, including this little ditty, which I am entitled "The L.L. Bean Towel Incident":

(Cut to my mother, folding up my already clean laundry, which she insists on rewashing because she doesn't trust the detergent I buy. She grabs an oversized white towel with a navy blue "M" embroidered onto it.)

Mother: WHERE DID YOU GET THIS TOWEL?
Me: Oh, the L.L. Bean Outlet in Maine. They put the "mistake" towels in a bin for like $6, and I found one with an M on it. Why?
Mother: IT IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL TOWEL! IT'S HUGE!!
Me: I know.
Mother: AND THE PILE... IT'S SO THICK! WHY, I THINK THIS MIGHT BE ONE OF THE NICEST TOWELS I'VE EVER SEEN!
Me: Do you want it?
Mother: Nuch, get out of here!
Me: I can buy you one online and ship it here... they're like $20...
Mother: Uch, please, keep your money, do me a favor... I don't NEED any towels.
Me: Are you sure? I'm glad to do it.
Mother: MICHELLE, PLEASE! Get out of here with your idiot ideas.

Cut to: The Next Morning.

Me: (Washing my face, and drying it on one of my parents' towels. As my face pulls away, the entire towel is soaked in blood, because that is how hard and stiff and sandpapery it is.)


This towel is literally absorbing every ounce of moisture from my body!

Thankfully this will all be part of the upcoming horror movie I'm writing called "Mother's Towels."

I'd also hand out a made up invisible award to my favorite Google search used to get to this blog this week, to the brilliance that is: pregnant half human half horse dream.


FINALLY!!! ONE LAST THING!!!

For the entire month of October, I will be hosting a stand-up comedy show on Tuesday night's at 10 PM at Rififi! Please join me this Tuesday as I welcome my guests: Dave Hill, Adam Cole-Kelly and Sara Jo Alloco and Brandy Barber to the stage!!!

The details:

Just an Evening? with Michelle Collins
Tuesday October 2 (and all other October Tuesdays)
10 PM
$5
Rififi
332 East 11th St BTWN 11th and 12th

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Show Tonight!! Just an Evening? with Michelle Collins

BIG SHOW BIG SHOW BIG SHOW BIG SHOWWWW!!!

Hi guys -- I'm hosting a show tonight at Rififi, promising at least one hour of me just bein me, i.e. singing and laughing and just having a great timeeee! Here's the info:

Just an Evening? with Michelle Collins TONIGHT!

Hey Guys!

TONIGHT, RIFIFI @ 10 PM

FINAL SHOW

Just an Evening? With Michelle Collins (me)

Amazing guests, so many good times with:

Roger Hailes (MTV, Commie Central)
Rob Lathan (Late Night with Conan O'Brien)
Ann Carr (Comedy Central, Hilarious Town, USA)
And
Greg Johnson (Many, Many Credits, He's So Humble!!!)

PLEASE COME! It will be incredibly fun. I will be doing a lot of singing, so bring your babies! Here's the info:

Rififi
332 E. 11th St. btwn 1st & 2nd Ave
Tuesday, August 28 @ 10 PM
$5

Xoxo
Please come to my show
Michelle
Is begging you.

xoxox2
Manatee Cat

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Alexyss Tylor Is Back and Fully Against Anal



If you thought Alxyss Tylor's previous rants were the epitome of genius, you were right. So please, check out this latest video of hers, where Ms. Tylor speaks her mind about the down low gay community and, more importantly, anal sex. Under normal circumstances, I would transcribe her extreme not-safe-for-workness so that you could enjoy the brilliance of her rancid mind from the comfort of your work cubicle. But seeing as it's 2 AM, all you really need to know is there are men out there who will suck d for food. Oh, and her mother is back, with the same accordian file blocking what I'm assuming is a colossal camel toe.

"Alexyss K. Tylor's Warning to Gay Boys"
(NOT SAFE FOR WORK!)



The real question is why didn't she and the hair-tail hanging out of her head replace Rosie on the View?

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Tuesday, July 03, 2007

I'm a Maine-iac on the Run!

Happy Pre-Independence Day to all. This last weekend, I travelled to Portland, Maine to visit some old friends and buy 17 towels at the L.L. Bean Factory Outlet. I also toted along my new digital camera, which I was convinced was a piece of garbage... until now:


A photo of the sunset over Manhattan as the plane was about to land at JFK. That, or a preview of the impending apocalypse. (Click here for an xlarge version)


You may have noticed how "hot" my clavicle is.


Barnacles at Cape Elizabeth. Note: When you sing Happy Birthday to a snail, it crawls out of its shell. My friends and I looked insane proving this theory to be true. But, oh, the texture!


Did someone say they were dying to see the most photographed lighthouse in the world? Wish = command. Taken on a "Lighthouse Lovers" Cruise. Seriously.


It's hard to see the depth on this one unless you look at the bigger picture... Needless to say, I'm extremely proud of myself.

Have a great holiday everyone!

Sunday, June 10, 2007

The Most Convincing Argument to Buy a Mac Yet

Last night, after a long-night of wine-consuming and food-eating, I returned home only to find an e-mail from my friend Lindsay titled "The Best Reason to Buy a Mac." I thought: "Here we go again", as all of my genius friends do their best to turn me to the white side. Only this time, I opened my e-mail to find the following comic -- made on a Mac, of course -- attached:



I think I'm finally starting to see the light.


 
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