Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Mary-Kate Olsen Get Well Gift Guide

As most of you know, American's beloved doppleganger, Mary-Kate Olsen, recently checked into a hospital for what my sources have confirmed is an eating disorder. This sexy-rexy may be a billionairess, but she is still going to need some cheering up. Below are some suggestions that might make this little anorexic who has everything feel a notch or two better.

1. 6-Ply Cashmere Turtleneck
If there's one thing this little stick-bug is gonna need inside that dreary hospital, it's the warmest sweater money can buy. Watch as she pulls the sleeves over her hands while cupping a hot water with lemon. She may be sick, but she looks damn good!

2. 18K Gold "Hang In There" Necklace
Here's the perfect way to let Mary-Kate know "Hey! You'll pull through this! Just HANG IN THERE! Don't die on us, ok?"

3. Butter
To ensure her survival.


4. Gorgeous Thick Human Hair
No nourishment = major hairloss. Skip out on that bedazzled doo rag and opt instead for this luscious wig, perfect for those glamorous Hollywood outings and group therapy sessions.

It's cocaine. It's not an eating disorder, she's in rehab for a rabid cocaine addiction.

Instead of tossing the above list to the wind, apply it to a friend or loved one who is undoubtedly riddled with self-hate. And stay tuned for an updated guide...

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