Wednesday, December 29, 2004

Bits and Pieces

- A giant breeding deer named Goliath died last week at 7 1/2. Well no wonder he was a breeding deer! Check out the size of that ballsack!

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- The Christian Aid has a new campaign called "Goat For It". Apparently, Brits have been buying goats for their relatives this Christmas season, although the goats are intended to help starving families in Third World countries. The opening line of this article is priceless:

It's hairy and smells and will butt you, given half a chance.

Good lord, that could decribe a number of things, including half of my co-workers and my Uncle "Cock-Eyed" Gene, who has gone missing, although I have a sneaking suspicion he's in the Witness Protection Program. When he would butt you, that's was a sign that you were about to be "whacked".

Here's "Cock-Eyed" Gene doing his best Winton Churchill impersonation. We miss you, Gene.

- The tabloids have spent months speculating that penguins are gay and now it's official. Penguins are gay. Well, helloooo - they're the only animal in the wild kingdom that are genetically structured to be in formal gear all the time. You show me a giraffe born wearing a searsucker suit, and then at least we'll be getting somewhere. Seriously, though, Queer Eye for the Straight Penguin? Awww! Little interior decorated igloos and flat front penguin pants? Pobracito.

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Let us watch as a queer penguin tries to play it "cool" and infiltrate a group of penguins he thinks are "stone-cold hotties." Alas, they turn their beaks up at him.

- In a seemingly related story, Rudolph was really Rudolpha. The scientific explanation is kinda boring and dumb (involving antlers and the like -- I mean, are scientists getting paid to research this fictional garbage?), but it finally answers the question as to what kept Santa happy when he was away from Mrs. Claus.

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A candid shot of "Rudolpha" downing some wine before Santa makes her "ride his sleigh". Let the shuddering commence.

- You can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Oh wait, no, hold on... nah, never mind, keep shitting your pants as usual.

- But cheer up, folks! Here's the BBC's list of "50 Things to Eat Before You Die". I'm proud to say I've eaten 41 out of 50 (including kangaroo). Now, does anyone know where I can score some savory guinea pig? Did someone say Mrs. Ford's third-grade homeroom class? I'm there.

Unrelated, but funny. Click on pic to read.

- Maxi-pad slippers. Nothing to see here folks. [with thanks to Jami]

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For when your feet finally become a woman.

- Finally: A solemn farewell to the star of Law & Order Jerry Orbach, who passed away today from prostate cancer at 69 year old. Hopefully now I'll be able to figure out the difference between him and Richard Belzer.

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