While We're on the Topic

I have a lot of things I need to get off my back. Open letters seems like an entertaining and fruitful way to do it. Here I go.

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE NIKE AD TEAM

Dear Nike Ad Team,

I'm not sure who is running your department, whether it be the devil, or John Wayne Gacey, or whoever. But you know that 19 minute long commercial where you play heart-palpitating nightmare techno over images of athletes donning spandex unitards and huge, hellraiser like masks, or huge gilded goat faces? Well, it induced a panic attack at 2:38 a.m. last night.

Not sure who you're aiming these ads at. Psychotic baby killers who need to jog away from the scene? Or maybe rugby players interested in going to Carnivale in the Underworld?

I kept my mouth shut during that whole sweatshop thing. But inducing panic among your customers is simply unethical.

Sincerely,
Michelle


Look how you scared this dog, Nike.

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AN OPEN LETTER TO MARC SUMMERS



Hey Marc,

It was awesome seeing you at dinner last night, (Otto, 1 Fifth Ave.). Sharing the room with the same man who hosted Double Dare, Unwrapped, and a series of obsessive compulsive disorders was my treat. Kirk Cameron haircut or no, you seem like a great guy! It's always been my dream to win that Minivan in the Double Dare final challenge. And I won't bring up "What Would You Do?" if you don't.

Sincerely,
Michelle



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AN OPEN LETTER TO OPEN LETTERS

Dear Open Letters,

When did you get so popular, Mizz Thang?

Impressed,
Michelle