Friday, February 10, 2006

Koala Me Badd

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to warn you: What you are about to witness is a real gem, a rarity, something very special, and something you'll see only here.

Courtesy of my friend Matt L., I have scored some exclusive pictures straight from the camera of a jaded American travelling around Australia. Things start out adooooorable, but end rather tragically.

First off, a koala in a pool, and some pals.

I don't know the backstory on this, but looks like this lil' guy was a little thirsty.

Nothing like some chlorinated bleach water to wet the whistle.

Ay, but oh my godddd, the face! What I would give to see dees little one in a bikini and swim cap.

Like Hitler, but cuter, and an animal. Also (fingers crossed) hopefully not a hater of the Jews, and while we're at it, mankind altogether.


OK, to change gears a little bit. (And really, how cute was that koala!)

What follows now is a bit of a photo diary. The couple touring Australia who took these photos caught glimpse of a kangaroo on a seashore, calm and collected. They had no idea what they were in for.

A small kangaroo, no doubt wondering what lays beyond the horizon.

Seems pretty calm. Soaking his feet. Relaxing.

Aww, look! He seems in pretty good spirits! Psyched about a beach day, away from the kids, empty pouch, just wanting to get away from it all.

And yet, something isn't right. What mystery lies behind those distant brown eyes? What drama? The stress of the workplace? The home? What's wrong, my little friend?

Oh no. He's freaking out. Breathe, my darling one!! Take a deep breath and relax! Everything will sort itself out on its own, I'm sure!

Don't do it, Kang!! It's not worth it! Who's going to feed your family? Whose pouch will your kids sleep in at night!? Kang, waitttt!!!

(sobbing) Please Kang! It's not too late! Just turn around and come back to me. (Dropping to knees into the sand, head in hands) It's not worth it. It isn't! (crying deliriously) Kang, come baaaaaack. Come ba-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-haaaaaaack.

(sniffling, and in British accent) Good luck on the other side of the horizon, my friend. I wish you the best. (One final, intensly meaningful wave.)

Thus concludes today's episode of Marsupial Theater.

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