Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Conversations with Mom: Election Edition

For all 4 of you still with me: Hello. These past few months have been completely insane, and I apologize to those of you who felt abandoned. But I'm happy to say that I now believe I can balance both blogging at Best Week Ever and here -- so please, take me back!

To inaugurate the rebirth of the blog, I'd like to share with you one of the hundreds of humorous conversations I've had with my mother. This one took place last night, Election Night (yay Democrats!).

Me: I'm so glad Santorum lost.
Mother: Why?
Me: Well... because it means something kind of gross.
Mother: What?
Me: (Regretting opening my mouth) This sex columnist Dan Savage hated Santorum so much that he started calling something really disgusting "Santorum", and now every time I hear his name I think of it.
Mother: What? What does it mean?
Me: I can't tell you.
Mother: Come on! What does it mean??? Umm... Scrotum? Does it mean Scrotum?
Me: Mom! No!
Mother: You can't dangle this in front of me like that! (Direct quote.)
Me: It's something that happens when men have gay sex.
Mother: Oh! Dirty Sanchez?
Me: Uch... no. (She keeps harping.) It's something that comes out of a man's ass after gay sex.
Mother: Umumum... Doody?? Does it mean doody?
Me: Doody and... something else. Gay sex.
Mother: (pause.) How could you tell me that?
Me: But I warned you!
Mother: No, you're right. I pushed for it.

For an entire website donated to this definition (mind you, the first hit on Google when searching for his name), visit Spreading Santorum. And courtesy of My First Fan(c) Atara, Santorum brought home a 20 week old stillborn for his children to hold. I didn't believe it either, but here's the article. Sad story equally balanced with a little creepiness.

Also, I'd like to add my favorite quote from the election coverage on CNN last night, courtesy of Jeff Greenfield: "Tammy Duckworth, running in Illinois, lost both of her legs in Iraq. She's currently trailing her opponent."

So... did you miss me?

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