My father, apparently a hotbed for unsubstantiated internet rumors, just instant messaged me at 3:30 pm to say that Castro is dead. When I asked for a source, he literally directed me to Free Republic, only the biggest conservative, Jew-hating, Klan-surfed website on the net.
I was like "Oh, yeah, I also meant to tell you, the Holocaust never happened.... PAYCE!"
(Update: A reader writes in to tell me that Free Republic is only conservative, and not necessare Klan-sponsored... MY B!)
But seriously... I looooove totally made up, fictional rumors about Castro dying. It takes only one small rumor to turn Miami from a humid, crime-ridden city into a humid, crime-ridden city with bottle rockets aimed at baby's faces in celebration. This Castro dying thing has seriously given me a new lease on my afternoon.
Wait a second... hot off the Dad IM Press...:
The Corner on National Review.com
Castro Dead? [Jonah Goldberg]
Two e-friends working on Wall Street say rumors are running around that he's bought the big one. I find nothing on the wires.
Wait... I work on Wall Street! And I just opened my window, stuck my head out, and heard nothing, so it can't be true. Anyway, if he's really dead, Miami is gonna be soooo looooud tonight.
ps I taped another Best Night Ever last night for VH1... check it out!
Update: 4:36 pm: Father says that news radio in Miami is reporting the Venezuelan News Agency, or EFE, just confirmed Castro's death... Lord, I haven't felt this much anticipation coming out of Havana since Cuba Gooding Jr. was nominated for an Oscar!