Kerry On My Wayward Pun
12-year-old Ilana Wexler may not be a household name (save for her own, where word has it she's up for Homecoming Queen of her home-schooled class, population: Ilana Wexler). But it looks like her popularity is on the rise.
Deeming the Spelling Bee Circuit too "bloodthirsty", tiny Ilana, clad in a purple cardigan and humongous red Jewfro, has chosen the road less mudslung: politics.
She's already started a website, Kids For Kerry, which aims at taking money pre-teens normally use for pornagraphy, drugs and abortions and applying it to a better cause - helping John Kerry get to the White House (Amen).
Her hard work has paid off. Ilana was asked to speak at the Democratic National Convention in Boston this week, and brought the crowd to their feet. On Dick Cheney:
When our vice president had a disagreement with a Democratic senator, he used a really bad word. If I said that word, I would be put in a timeout. I think he should be put in a timeout.
BOOYA! In your face, Dick! Put that mutha-fucka in a time-muthafuckin-OUT! I am standing on my feet and clapping as I write this.
What's in store for Ilana's future? After growing out of her "awkward phase", she'll wait around for approx. 10 years to find a man that likes her for "her brains." She'll sleep on a mattress made of money, and will undoubtedly be more successful than me.
Sidenote: Why isn't Jaleel White running for Senate? He could take Obama to school. Two times.
Front and Back Note: Yes, I am fully aware the title makes no sense. K My A.