Thursday, November 18, 2004

Shitting Image

So I come across this website called "Susan Scott", who appears to be an agent for celebrity lookalikes. Don't ask me how I did it...*

*I google image searched "Lionel Richie" and was met with this photo:

As you can see, the only thing this man has in common with Lionel Richie is the kink in his curl, and that is that. They hardly resemble each other!

I wanted to delve deeper. And Lord if I only knew how deep this cess pool of filth was, I never would have started. Here are some of my faves (note the lack of resemblance, except where noted):

Slap a pair of glasses and a Sgt. Pepper's Jacket on any old fag, and they'll call themselves Elton apparently.

Jesus is SIZZLING! And sporting quite the sharp goatee and sports shirt. You'd think the dick could've slapped on a fucking robe and some sandals for his HeyZeus snapshot.

ANTHONY HOPKINS. Finally, a hit!! Bone-chilling...

Next up:

Do I even have to say who? Mssr. DiCaprio. I have trouble buying this one -- look at his eyes!! They rival Schwarzenegger's turn in Total Recall.

Finally, the perfect lookalike to hire for your child's Bar/Bas Mitzvah.


Now, if I had to choose a Hitler here, I'd go with Miles Bromilow. The eyes, the grimace, the hunched shoulders... you know he's hiding a single testicle there somewhere.

Tony Parkin ain't bad, but wait a minute... those eyes... they look so... familiar.

Wait a minute! That's Leonardo DiCaprio! On second thought, great casting. He'd make an AMAZING Hitler.

Back to Hitler, I MUST find out why Hitler lookalikes even exist, and in what capacity they are used. People, join me in the search to find these gentlemen's contact info. I can smell a documentary from a Miles away.

Ms. Scott's tagline on her website reads: Beware of Imitators. She meant that Hitlerally.

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