Vanilla Ice in "My Pet Goat" the Musical

Please, forget for a moment about all of the country's hardships and the world's problems, and focus instead on this headline:

Vanilla Ice Reunited With Wallaroo, Goat

At first I thought I was hallucinating. That headline is to this website (or "blog") what Watergate was to Woodward and Bernstein, or what Taxicab Confessions is to HBO programming, i.e. groundbreaking.

But it's true. Apparently, last week two of Vanilla Ice's many farm animals, a goat and a wallaroo (or mini kangaroo), escaped his Port St. Lucie, FL backyard in an attempt to break free from the tyranny of "The Ice". The goat, arguably smarter than Mr. Van Winkle himself, nudged open an unlocked gate, and him and his pal made a run for it.

Well good for Vanilla and his pals, reunited at last. Cut to a montage of Vanilla and his goat running along a beach in slow motion, sharing a candle-lit dinner, and then spooning in post-coital bliss (the wallaroo looking through the window, hurt and angry).

I'm glad two illegally kept wild animals could get Ice's name back in the headlines. Now here's hoping that feisty wallaroo kicks the shit out of him.