Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Rivals Battle for Mary-Kate Olsen's Love

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The top story on news (where I get most of my news, right after my trusty AOL Newsticker) reports that Love Rivals Battle for Olsen. Now of course, I didn't take the time to actually read the article, but I assume "love rivals" refers to cocaine and Starbucks Frappuccino's (as opposed to "faggy chinos"), battling it out to see which substance will ultimately control the mind and body of this miniature cyborg.

My money is on the Coke: It's portable, has less calories, and lasts longer. Sure, it's a touch more spensy, but hey, when you sleep in a drawer padded with hundreds and dress like a billion-dollar hobo, the price of cocaine is an afterthought. I'd love to know where my readers stood on the debate.

Here is the text of the blurb:
Love Rivals Battle for Olsen: Mary Kate-Olsen's jilted ex-boyfriend David Katzenberg allegedly made a special trip to Los Angeles to woo her back, but bumped into the teen star's new love Ali Fatourechi instead. The New York Minute star dumped Katzenberg, the son of Dreamworks executive Jeffrey Katzenberg, two months ago but his attempt to revive their romance was blocked by Fatourechi, according to website Pagesix.Com. An onlooker says, "They were both at (Los Angeles restaurant) Toast, sitting across from each other at separate tables. They were staring each other down - it was really uncomfortable."

Hey Katzenberg! Chin up!! If Mary-Kate won't go back to you, I think I know just the substitute that will do the trick.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some binge eating to take care of. Yes I do indeedy.

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