Monday, January 03, 2005

My First Nomination for Mother Who Should Be Arrested 2005

Dawnella Sutton is a parent and blogger who runs a site called Mothers Moon (http:// mothersmoon . blogspot . com), a blog described as helping mothers with "gentle pregnancy, birthing, post partum & breastfeeding support," -- so far, so good -- "....belly castings, blessingways, baby welcomings & more!" Wait a second! She has MORE to offer than blessingways? What the hell is a blessingway? Oh, and if there really is such a thing as belly casting, I have the perfect person for the part:

She goes on: In her "About Me" profile, Dawnella explains any misunderstandings about her sanity:
I'm a stay-with-child mom of my wonderful and very much loved son, who was born through natural childbirth in July 2001 with the support of a midwife and a doula.

Anyone know what a doula is? Anybody? I Googled it, and I still can't figure it out. Just thinking about it makes my own Me-doula oblongata throb in resistance. Perhaps it derives from this 1926 short film, undoubtedly referring to some sort of "Ancient Tribal Ritual." Let's keep reading:
We still very happily breast feed, and co-sleep, and child wear (which is sadly getting more difficult with him at 46 any suggestions welcomed!), [and] cloth diaper (he does not yet show an interest in the potty).

Where to begin? Where. To. Begin. Let's start with we. "We" still breast feed? Now, is the "we" referring to her husband? Or is this baby being passed around some sort of cultish "milking circle", a "Lactating Game" for eager mommies? More importantly, this child is THREE AND A HALF. AND IS STILL BREAST FED AND CLAD IN CLOTH DIAPERS! Because, as she puts it, "he still hasn't show an interest in the potty." Well, sure, given the choice, even I'd rather shit my own pants. But sadly, society tends to look down their nose at people like us, Dawnella and Co.

But we're not yet done:
Along with my husband of 10 years, and three cats and a goldfish, we live deep in the woods by a very nice "pond" in a small rural town in central-ish Maine.

Why is "pond" in "quotes"? Is this some sort of "code" for an ancient pet cemetary where rituals take place? Or is "pond" a holistic word for "truck stop"? I am fascinated.
As I mentioned above, I am a birth worker, and also an infant massage therapist, am known for my healing and soothing herbals, hold monthly full moon womens drumming circles...

She continues, but my synapses are too burnt out to continue. When I read the words "Infant Massage Therapy", something snapped. My first reaction was: Why would infants need massages? Because of all the heavy lifting they do? The "stress" of the "workplace" (read: huge "doop" in "diapers")?

A baby mind reader reports that little Sammy is thinking of the word "Gurgle", an ancient Native-American term for "baby-healing."

I read up a little on the subject, and actually it seems a tad less maniacal that I had originally hoped. See this link at Therapeutic Kneads. It is supposed to deeply connect a mother and her child. Funny, my mom didn't resort to massage to connect with me, so much as she put me in a crib with a ham hock and can of Shasta, and left me to stew in my pure, un-corrupted baby thoughts for hours and hours on end.

Long story snort, it is clear Dawnella loves, and I mean looooooves, her baby. Cause we all know what happens when a child stays in diapers too long. Just Google image search diapers to find out. And don't say I didn't warn you.

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An artist's rendering of how the Suttons might, and almost definitely, look.

Further Googling has revealed tha Dawnella is actually part of a Witches, Wiggans and Pagans Networking Group !!! (awkward laughter) Dawne-la-ha-ha-ha! I hardly knew ya! Listen, all that crazy talk before, you know me! I do it for the laughs! You're a great mother. Sane as all get out!

Oh dear God, people. Look at me now.

Sigh. Well, appearance doesn't really matter anyway, does it now. It's your mind that really attracts people. Or repulses them, depending.

And just to cleanse your palate and keep you coming back for more, my first humorous animal pic for the new year (via Andrea Harner)

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