Friday, October 28, 2005

The Best Thing I've Read Today

Even the CATS of drug-dealers get all the ladies! Sadly, this PYT died in a knife fight in March 1997.

During lunch, I was perusing the latest issue of Rolling Stone, with Paul McCartney gracing the cover. In it is a story called "Kid Cannabis", about a 19-year-old chubby loser-shlub who ended up running a multi-million dollar pot smuggling business. The young guys running the joint (har) inevitably ended up living the Scarface lifestyle, lots of money, Escalades, fur coats, diamonds, and of course, slutty stripper girlfriends.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, is the best thing I've read today. The author of the story, Mark Binelli, interviews the girlfriend of the head of operations, named Buffy. Buckle up:
Later that summer, Nate broke both of his arms in a dirt-bike accident and moved in with Buffy. "That was a bad time," she recalls. "Nate's arms were in casts. I was recovering from my surgery." She fluffs her breasts as a visual aid. "And my cat Titty Bar Bob had broken his back, and he got addicted to these painkillers. He'd crawl up the sides of the wall to get to them. It was a weird summer.

Kid Cannabis by Mark Binelli

I call this next piece "Titty Bar Bob Wants Water":

(muffled, barely audible) "Can someone please just bring me some water?" (pause) "Hello?" (silence) "I can't move my legs and I'm thirsty." No answer. "I SAID I CAN'T MOVE MY LEGS AND I'M THIRSTY! HELLO!" (silence, then quietly warbled) "Goddammit."

As far as the funniest picture I've seen today, that's easy:

According to this website: "Not fair. An eagle spirit AND a moustache are watching over him. This kind of portrait is just bragging." (ps This blog is a hilarious find! Check out the man-phin!)

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