Michelle Collins, Syrup Expert
Well, I always knew it would come down to this. After years and years of trying to make a name for myself in New York and otherwise, The Daily News finally realizes why I was put here on Earth: To bear witness to the mystery that was last week's sweet smelling evening in and around the city. I spoke briefly with Don Singleton, the author of the cleverly titled "Smell Hath No Fury", and while my quotes are not as humorous as I would have hoped ("IHOP on a Sunday morning"? Good one, Collins), Singleton manages to end the article with a quote from an 85-year-old in a nursing home named Nicki Benitez. The article ends:
"Down here," she said, "every time we fall asleep we don't know if we're gonna wake up anyhow."
More like pure GENIUS syrup.
My ol' factory, working overtimesies.
If any journalists are currently reading this, please know that I'm also readily available to comment on: Lean Cuisine, babaganoush, Akmak crackers, Sweet N' Low, Berry Burst Cheerios, dill havarti, and any and all condiments and dressings (they make the meal.)
p.s. In today's round of "Guess Tomorrow's NY Post Headline" (note, this is Round 1), I'm going with "Get By With Alito Help From His Friends" or any variation of the song's title. As of 11:51 a.m., yours truly is the first to use said headline. Personally, he's "Alito" too conservative for my tastes. But I'm all about baby-killing, so don't ask me.
p.p.s. Q: What's the fastest way to spend over $50,000 at J. Crew?
Answer: Buy 18 of their insanely priced Gold Charm bracelets, at $2,900.
Tiffany's, Shmiffany's, wouldn't anyone pay top dollar for a 14K flip-flop charm?