Thursday, November 17, 2005

GQ: Implants Of The Year Award!

I've never been one to take sides. When it came down to Jennifer Aniston's divorce to "Butter Peanut", or Brad Pitt, I cried for days, sobbed, slowly rocked myself back and forth while watching "The One With The Earth-Shattering Breakup" episode of Friends and eating marshmallow fluff a wooden spoon and my fist. "Teams?" I cried! "Who can think of sports analogies at a time like thiii-hii-hiis."

Wounds healed, tears dried, and life barely moved on.

Then yesterday, GQ announces that Jennifer Aniston will be their first "Man of the Year" so to speak, in that she's the "Woman of the Year." Well, that's dandy! And lord knows, anyone as addicted to Kool 100's as Jenistan deserves a couple of accolades here and there!

But then I see the cover. Have you checked it out yet? No? Here's a sneak peak:

OK, OK, fine. That's not the real cover. But it may as well be.

Here's the actual cover:

Now, maybe it's the fact that I've been watching the Today Show's plastic surgery coverage all week (like yesterday, where two women with implants sat on the couch with rack fully splayed, or today, where Dr. 90210 looked directly into the camera and said "Too bad you're so poor, Michelle. I could really do a number on you."), but is it just me, or is Jennifer looking a little... implanty?

As my friend Lianne said, "I love how Jenny looks like a Rhodesian Ridgeback in this shot, yet... is FULLY STACKED." Truth is, even Rhodesian Ridgebacks are worried.

"Is everything OK at home?"

So... is Jen real or fake? Only time, gravity, and poorly constructed silicon Ziploc baggies will tell. But seriously, it's so sad when someone as naturally beautiful as Jennifer Aniston has to resort to smoking and surgery to make "men's" magazine covers.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to run to Costco, buy 3,000 cartons of Kool 100's, film my Must-See-TV sitcom "Pallies", and marry and divorce the sexiest man in the world. Lateskies.

24-years-old, and I still got it.

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