Wednesday, November 16, 2005

You Know How Easy It Is To Hurt Me

Ever since my Ipod broke, I've been subjected to overhearing numerous assanine conversations on the subway, and having my eardrums played by the fecal-creased voicebox of a half-dead homeless version of "This Little Light Of Mine."

In order to fatally drown out these voices of poverty, I like to sing little songs in my head from time to time. Sometimes, I'll choose popular Top 40 hits, likely Kelly Clarkson, sometimes it's Abba, sometimes T-Rex, ELO... things others won't admit to liking but I freely do.

But one song that has been popping up frequently on my biological shuffle is a little ditty by the Beegees... one that you've probably never heard of, one that, when you learn the title, will doubt even exists. But let me assure you, gentle, bathed readers: It exists. And it's here to stay.

That song is called: Fanny, Be Tender With My Love. As in:

Be tender with my love;
You know how easy it is to hurt me
Fanny, be tender with my love,
'Cause it's all that I've got
And my love won't desert me.

I first learned about the song moons and moons ago, when mother was dissing the oldies station in Miami for playing shitty Elvis and Diana Ross. "Where can I go to hear the good oldies... like "Fanny, Be Tender With My Love"?" She would then launch into a 3 hour thesis on why Fanny was such an emotional rollercoaster, the likes of which have only been seen by only a few dozen Foreigner songs.

So I downloaded it. And, at first, I hated it. But then, I found that when the first few chords would strike, I wouldn't skip ahead... until I was actively searching for the title amongst thousands, and repeating it over and over again. Much in the same way that I became a SEA-level scientology member, I had found myself one of thousands of dedicated Fanny-fans.

So why am I telling you this? Good question. Namely, to download it.

But actually, the reason I bring it up is that as I was singing it today aloud at work, it reminded me of a HILARIOUS SNL sketch from not too long ago: The Barry Gibb Talk Show. (Top 5 sketch, along with my actual favorite of all-time: The Sabra Price Is Right, (seriously, you guys, read it... I think it might be the most genius thing ever written period, and the moment when I finally understood that Tom Hanks is an actor's actor.)

Here's an exerpt from the skit:

Barry Gibb: Al Franken. You have the best-selling book, all about the right. What is Gov. Schwarzenegger pro-choice program.. for gun contr-o-o-l, for the Republican pa-a-arty?

Al Franken: Oh, boy! Uh.. well, uh.. that's-that's an interesting question! [ chuckles ]

Barry Gibb: Ha ha! Before you get started ,I just want to warn you - I'm not Bill O'Reilly!! You start and SMART TALK with ME, and I will END IT!! I didn't go to your hasty pudding, "Let's all dress up like girls" school! I grew up on the streets of SYDNEY!! And no matter where I am in the studio-o-o-o.. I'm never more than fi-i-ve seconds away from a gu-u-unn! [ a beat ] Uh, Robin.. do you have anything to a-a-add?

Robin Gibb: No.. no, I don't..

Here is a link to the sketch. It takes almost an hour to download (right click the link, and save target as... I think this is faster.) But I have now watched it over a dozen times, and my lord, does it deliver.

Slow day here. Hope this helps.

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