Monday, March 13, 2006

Ever Wanted To Sleep with a Rock Star?

Let's be honest: Most of us have spent many a night laying awake dreaming of sleeping with a rock star. Some of us have even gone so far as to fling our bodies at the feet of greatness during concerts and the like. I mean, when I saw Bon Jovi, I wanted to "Go-Go-Gadget Arm" and give that 5-by-5 inch leatherbound backside a little squeeze. Fame plus talent plus Aquanet hairspray = equation for sycophantic love.

Now while I, personally, would never make out backstage with a bass player named Gene for 3 straight hours and tell (because I'm a lady of course), that doesn't mean some other ladies aren't more willing to share their personal dalliances with rock god fame.

Oh, the times we had, Gene.

Thanks to Rachel Kramer Bussel, I learned of this Movie-of-the-Week-style story that left tears brimming in my eyes: Not only because it is basically every teenage fantasy come true, but specifically because our protagonist, Elise Miller, sleeps with Dave Gahan of Depeche Mode. And at the age of fifteen, no less! If you ever wondered what kind of a man would wear red and white pinstriped underwear, I would highly suggest checking this one out. Some Great Reward, By Elise Miller. Really, as big of a cad as he is, I would still gladly carve M.C. hearts D.G. on either a tree trunk, or better yet, permanently tattoo it on my coccyx.

Dave Gahan, right, looks way too cool, sophisticated, and molestery, even for his own band.

Second, a more comical, light-hearted story about a woman who played Carol Brady in a travelling stage production of "The Brady Bunch", and ended up sleeping with Davy Jones throughout the tour. DAVY JONES!!! Ahhh!!! (Frantically tearing my bra off and throwing it into a time machine set for the early 70's.) Just like Marsha Brady, I don't think I'd ever wash my vagines again. Not Really a Star F#*ker, by Kate Flannery.

Oh Davy! The feathered hair had me saying "He means business", but the popped collar says you also like to "pahty." Also, thank god she boned Davy Jones instead of Mickey Dolenz. I once saw him in Times Square and thought there was a "Wizard of Oz" convention somewhere. Then again, he also looks like he would be hilarious.

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