Friday, August 12, 2005

A Cingular Sensation

The other night, I had the fortune of catching the delectable Paul Rudd on Conan. If you're around my age, Paul Rudd holds a very special place in your heart as the incestuous step-brother in Clueless, the smart guy who probably went to Brown but ends up working non-profit and living in an efficiency apt. (i.e. every girl's dream). Rudd has only grown more charming over the years, not to mention more hilarious -- he was at least as funny as Will Ferrell in Anchorman. He also earned major "street cred" by guesting on "Strangers with Candy". Rudd is also a common fixture on the alternative comedy scene in New York, although not so common that we've ever hung out, or like, that we've ever gone for gimlets together or anything...

Anyway! So I see Paul Rudd, and I tell a friend, and the next thing I know I am pulled into a whirlwind of deception and intrigue involving Mr. Rudd and a careless Cingular salesperson, a tale of trickery so deep, so dark, that it could only be uncovered by using a secret and covert form of communication known as AOL Instant Messenger.

Paul's Oskar* nommed performance in "Liebe in Jeder Beziehung" turned many a fraulein's kopfs.
*Germany's Oscar.

People, this blog FINALLY has a scoop. You Can't Make It Up has scored an exclusive interview with Pam Lipshitz of Queens, who a few years ago was issued Paul Rudd's old cell phone number. Yes, the VERY SAME Paul Rudd whom I've lusted after since the mid-90's. So what is it like sharing the same cell phone with a veritable God? Let's find out:

Michelle (9:56:28 AM): So, Pam, tell us where the confusion began...
Michelle (9:56:34 AM): briefly, please.
Pam (9:58:18 AM): several years ago i was the lucky winner of the paul rudd cellphone number
Michelle (9:59:06 AM): hahaha
Michelle (9:59:08 AM): love it already!
Pam (9:59:25 AM): great connection to the greatest movie ever -- CLUELESS
Michelle (10:00:30 AM): obvies
Michelle (10:00:39 AM): so you had his exact number?
Pam (10:01:29 AM): yeah...
Pam (10:01:45 AM): every single digit was the exact one he had
Michelle (10:01:50 AM): How did you figure this out?
Pam (10:02:21 AM): after a bunch of "paul calls" I asked someone who is paul
Pam (10:02:51 AM): and that is when i found out how lucky i really was
Michelle (10:03:05 AM): longing sigh
Michelle (10:03:06 AM): go on
Pam (10:04:54 AM): then one day a lovely british voice was on the other end of the phone and it was amy heckerling’s office *director of clueless
Michelle (10:05:15 AM): oh!
Pam (10:05:22 AM): calling i am sure to get another stellar performance from Mr. Paul Rudd
Michelle (10:05:34 AM): hahah
Michelle (10:07:18 AM): so what did it feel like knowing you and paul rudd shared something?
Pam (10:07:31 AM): MAGICAL!
Pam (10:07:36 AM): ABSOULUTLEY MAG.
Pam (10:07:36 AM): I.
Pam (10:07:38 AM): CAL.
Michelle (10:08:09 AM): hahah
Pam (10:09:10 AM): and you know a bit at peace with myself, like good things can happen in this world
Michelle (10:09:23 AM): no doubt about it

Michelle (10:10:56 AM): how did you feel when the calls stopped coming through?
Pam (10:11:04 AM): lonely and hurt
Pam (10:11:15 AM): but once in a while--even after all this time--i still get a call
Michelle (10:12:07 AM): really?
Pam (10:12:08 AM): and all the good memories come flooding back...ohhhhhhh paul rudd
Michelle (10:12:09 AM): any booty calls?
Pam (10:12:28 AM): good question--but you know--its been all men ;-)
Michelle (10:13:06 AM): you should pretend to be his wife and ask for free stuff frommmm like, I don't know, the salvation army?
Michelle (10:13:08 AM): where do you think he shops?
Pam (10:13:34 AM): kmart
Pam (10:13:36 AM): nooooooooo
Michelle (10:13:40 AM): no no
Michelle (10:13:44 AM): he's always so smart looking
Pam (10:14:09 AM): true, he did gain some weight for a while... i saw him on some late night talk show
Pam (10:14:18 AM): and he looked GOOD

Paul Rudd battling his demons.

Michelle (10:14:25 AM): i saw him on Conan
Michelle (10:14:30 AM): and fell in love all over again
Michelle (10:14:39 AM): he talked about whores
Michelle (10:14:52 AM): i was like "Is this what love feels like?"
Michelle (10:15:06 AM): "Because I want to feel this way all the time!"
Pam (10:16:13 AM): haha
Michelle (10:20:04 AM): Are there any messages you want to give Paul if he's reading this today?
Pam (10:20:27 AM): have my number--give me a call sometime!
Pam (10:20:30 AM): :-*
Michelle (10:20:33 AM): hahahha
Michelle (10:20:39 AM): i was going to add that -- but i read ya!
Pam (10:20:44 AM): (kissing smiley face is creepy by the way)
Michelle (10:20:45 AM): it’s how I imagine myself looking with cancer
Michelle (10:20:55 AM): right down to the face mole

So there you have it -- that's what it's like to get calls intended for someone else who also happens to be a celebrity who also happens to be adorable. Imagine if she was getting calls for Charles Nelson Reilly.

No thank you.

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