Miss Subway: Trained For Beauty

In an effort to keep more New York ladies looking their best, and more New York City men masturbating in public, the MTA has rekindled a 35-year-young tradition of electing a "Miss Subway", a beauty pageant I'm hoping is limited only to Mole People and that dummy made of pantyhose that tangoes in Times Square.

On second thought, why stop there? I think each New York City institution should elect a pretty face to represent it on billboards. Why, there's Miss Empire State Building, Holly Arbuckle! And look, over there, Miss Dead Frozen Homeless Man, Sally Finkleton! Gasp! Could it be?? Ms. Pubic Hair In My Knish, Madelyn Johnson!

New York to Revive Subway Beauty Contests