Spare Parts

1. A friend of mine just got a new job. His supervisor's name is Storey Twogood. Do you think if he got married to Irma Swearit, his announcement would read "Engagement: Storey Twogood to Miss I. Swearit"?

2. A man eats his 20,000th Big Mac, maintains weight at 170. I once saw Marc Jacobs walking out of the Canal Street Mickie Deez (nuts), and was flabbergasted. But all my faggy friends tsk tsked, reminding me that "Honey, what do you think those models kiki on for lunch? One Big Mac a day bitch, that's it. Werque." (Seriously word for word.) I took them up on this scheme, and look at me now. (apologies to Phyllis Diller in advance.)

3. I truly believe that if I ate enough Toblerone, I'd poop triangular.

4. My friend Lang and I were in England, and came up with a grand invention: sheep shoes. Not just your everyday Ugg-lies, but actually strapping yourself onto two live sheep, and basking in their woolly growth while they cart you around. Then I see this. Thieves!




5. Like the site? Aww - you're the best! Now e-mail it to your friends, you son-of-a-bitch. Colon right parenthesis ad infinitum.