Sobbing Them of Their Dignity

Aww... he's like a lil' stuffed Gordon's Fisherman.

Japanese Toy Makers prepare to take the world into new depths of desperation and loneliness, by creating a toy line targeted towards the elderly. And because why rewrite what's already so perfect, I give you this:

As Japan produces fewer children and more retirees, toymakers are designing new dolls designed not for the young but for the lonely elderly -- companions which can sleep next to them and offer caring words they may never hear otherwise.

The Yumel doll, which looks like a baby boy and has a vocabulary of 1,200 phrases, is billed as a "healing partner" for the elderly and goes on the market Thursday at a price of 8,500 yen (80 dollars).

Seriously, friends, when I get to the age where I need a STUFFED DOLL to give me companionship, won't ya'll pull a (WARNING: MILLION DOLLAR BABY SPOILER) Million Dollar Baby on me and just put me out of my misery?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go spoon with Stretch Armstrong in the file room.

SIDE NOTE: You know what commercial I LOVE? (clearing throat) "The Sun goes up! The day arrives! Another day... to feel ALI-IVE!" for OJ? Man, that just re-made me depressed about old people.


No kidding around, this image is on Mr. Miyagi's IMDB page.