Friday, April 01, 2005

Salmonelly Hurtado

Does that horrible pun of a title give you any idea how sick I am?

I've had a steady 102 fever all day, and have been acting like a fussy little baby. Days like today really make me wish I were home again, so I can be fussy and moan and have people actually care. Instead of a small Mexican man bringing me soup, at home my tall Hungarian mother would force feed me homemade "csirke leves", or chicken soup to the lay person. Cue Little River Band's "Reminiscing", and cut to me, misty eyed, making a scrapbook of my childhood.

So for those of you healthy bastards at work today, let me give you a rundown of what I watched today:

10:00 Maury Povich Guest Updates
11:00 The Price Is Right (Bob Barker is starting to lose his mind. And the Barker Beauties are really very plain, probably so Barker'll keep his shriveled dick out of their pants. Not as entertaining as I remembered it to be.)
12:00 Pope Coverage
12:05 Maury (again!) featuring 13 year olds who want to get pregnant. My favorite kind of topic. If you've seen the South Park where Cartman goes on Springer, it was exactly like that ("I do what I want!")
Quote one 13 year old girl, very chubby, in a bikini:
"Monday I do it in the pool,
Tuesday I do it in my Momma's basement,
Wednesday I do it in my man's car"
You get the idea.
1:00 Pope Coverage
3:01 One of my FAVORITE movies, It Could Happen To You.
5:00 Toss, turn, take my temp 100 times.
5:30 Last half of Patriot Games
6:00 on... Seinfeld.

As you can see, I'm not feeling any better at 101.2. Sigh, I wish I had other stuff to write about. Hope I'm not being too much of a downer.

To raise your spirits, check out this picture of Pat Buchanan following a conservative circle jerk.

Good thing they had tissues handy.

Pat Buchanan doused with salad dressing

Also, if you haven't seen this yet, worth a laugh:

Ms. Wheelchair stripped of title for standing up

I'd make a joke, but seeing as I've been wrapped in a blanket and placed in a basket on the porch of death's door, perhaps now's not the greatest time to josh about these kinda things.

God I was a cute kid.

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