Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Up Close And Perspirent

Yesterday afternoon, I got an urgent IM from my friend Alyson. "What are you doing tonight?" I thought about my options: I could sit in bed and watch Seinfeld, recline upright and do some writing while watching Seinfeld, sit Indian-style on my bed while eating hummus from the tub with my fingers while watching Seinfeld... all very tempting options.

"Nothing" I wrote back.

"I'm trying to get concert tickets for tonight... would you want to see [NAME WITHHELD] tonight at MSG?" she inquired. MSG stands for Madison Square Garden, and does not refer to a rock band standing on a bullion cube made of suffering and migraine headaches.

"How much?" I wanted to know.

She offered a very fair price.

I thought.

And I thought.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I ended up scoring kick-ass tickets to see Bon Jovi last night.

I will allow you a few seconds to bask in my faux-glow.


Alyson in front of the theater. You'll notice the name of this tour is "Have A Nice Day", which is better than their original name for it, the "Take A Penny, Leave A Penny" Tour.

THE GOD DESCENDS. You will notice that these are all very candid, and very close. That is because we scored tickets all the way over to the side of the stage, but right in the front. Meaning we couldn't see the screen behind him, but we were breathing in his carbon dioxide.

Here is the Bon Jovi Superfan(c) who stood in front of us. More on her later.

Things Bon Jovi has in common with my changepurse: They are small, they are leather, they are stuffed with cash, they have dazzling hair.

One of about 100 blurry shots I am choosing to share with you.

Here's Superfan(c) again, multi-tasking by watching the show through binoculars and taking pics on her camera phone. I'll be frank: At first, I figured she and her sister (we were to find out) would be hilarious fodder for the day after the show, but they ended up being the most hilarious, fun people there. So don't say shit about Superfan, even though she's a liiiiiittle overzealous at times. Who wouldn't be?? I also would like to add that I was convinced the crowd would be 10 times more Jersey-trashier than the Duran Duran show I attended a few months back: Quite the opposite. One of the most attractive group of concertgoers I've seen in a long time. Believe it! Also, 77 percent made up of Italian people. Not Sopranos-style mafiosos, but backpacking European teenagers.

"Raise your hand if you're Italian!"

The Hunchback of Notre Rock.

Here's Superfan(c) trying an ingenious trick: If you put your camera phone lens up to your binoculars, you could in turn, create your own zoom lens. It did not, in fact, end up working.

Everytime he would get within 50 feet of me, I would jump up and down waving, as if he'd turn and be like "You over thereeeee! (echo) Helloo-loo-looo!" This did not end up happening.

Some lucky contest winners won not only the opportunity to stand right off of the stage, but also a pretty spiffy green paper bracelet.

OK this is by far the most controversial shot of the set. So there's Bon Jovi, walking up to the Stripper Ramp right near our seats like a perfect gentlemen, when some rabid fan GOOSES HIM! It took me a while to confirm my suspicions, but check this out:

THAT'S A RIPE GOOSING ALRIGHT! But really, who can blame that lucky, lucky bitch.

I swear, if you touch your computer screen right now, it will feel like cow hide.

Another great moment in Bon Jovi Concert Going History: The two 14-year-olds who LIT UP A JOINT during ALWAYS. If you're British or "ITK" (In The Know), you will notice the blonde's resemblance to Vicky Pollard.

Richie Sambora, sleazy, and yet oddly, looking disease-ridden. JKJKJKJKJKJKJKJLOVE-YOU--RICHIIIIEEEE.

One miiiinor disappointment was that Mssr. Jovi chose not to sing probably my favorite song: Bed of Roses. I believe it was the first cassette single I ever bought after Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson's "Beauty and the Beast" single. I was 19 years old.

Mmmmm..... Old Spicey.

How I wish these four would have come to my Bat Mitzvah! Check out their slide!

Hey, Bon Jovi -- Michaelangelo called: He wants his inspiration for "David" back.

I call this next segment: "Bon Jovi From Every Angle":




Angle side.

Being lead by his crotch.

Broad Shouldered.

And Bringing It Home.

It's good to know these two shop at White House/Black Market.

As the band says goodnight, Hunchie the Keyboardist turns and gives some love to our section, who nearly burst their jugular to get his attention throughout the show.

They're performing again tonight, so if you have a brain, and a heart... you know the rest.

The name of which should tell you all what to expect (OR CLICK HERE TO SEE IT):

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