Christmas Fun Even Your Adopted Father Will Love

It's Friday, and you know what means people: It's time to face a coupla facts. My fact today is that I'm a cheap asshole. Now, now, now I know what you're probably saying. "Michelle? We don't know you at all, and have no way of proving whether you're actually a cheap asshole or not." Well, truss. My ancestors weren't sent to WWII camp for nothing.

So when I came across an offer for a FREE, PERSONALIZED, FREE Christmas song, I was all "Juden who?" and immediately clicked on the link.


Knock knock. Who's there? A walking target in Germany. A walking target in Germany wh-- LOOK OUT!

This is how I discovered Instasong, a new service where you create personalized songs for loved ones (or, if you're out of those, yourself [LOUD COUGHING]). You can choose from a variety of Xmas song styles (might I suggest the Kids and Family version sung by the man), and then you fill in the blanks for your own personalized lyrics.

So far, this shouldn't strike you as funny. Even reading the loooong list of possible names (such as Beulah, Jaw-kneen, and "Infant") isn't really the funny part.

No, the comedy tears won't start rolling until your song is actually finished, and you can hear it for yourself. Take my word for it, this is WORTH 5 minutes of wasted time on the company dime.

To get your own Instasong for free:

--Click here and fill out this short survey.

--Check your e-mail... See that promotion code? THAT IS YOUR TICKET TO FREE INSTASONG. Copy it.

--Now paste it into the open field marked "PROMO CODE".

--Make history.

Or, if you're too lazy, you can just listen to the Instasong I created for myself by clicking HERE. (Note how I chose a DIFFERENT city than the one I ACTUALLY live in. Turn on your headlamps, I'm mining for comedy GOLD.)

Also, for free chocolate coins, check out my show tonight!

UPDATE:



My suede boots say: "I forgot how much snow ruins me."