What, Me Worry? Well, Yes Actually. All The Time. Right Now Even.

Look familiar? You may have seen me fall to my near death yesterday in front of Starbucks. If you didn't, worry not: I'll have a full report of exactly what a douchebag on two legs looks/sounds like when injuring itself during their morning commute. Apparently I'm secretly in the running for the next series of "Perfect Strangers", playing a wide-eyed and accident prone foreigner in the big ci-tay.

In other news, poor Gilbert Gottfried. He was voted the World's Unsexiest Man by a Boston publication (The Phoenix), over OSAMA BIN LADEN. I mean really, if I am to take this completely useless poll posted on a previously unheard of website (The Phoenix, MA?) seriously, don't rank the voice of the AFLAC duck as unsexier than the most unbathed member of Al Qaeda. Also baffling: Mike D. of the Beastie Boys? If I were to get The Clap from anyone, let it please be him. Robert Patrick, i.e. T-1000? One of my early childhood crushes. (I swear. But I was also Skeletor for Halloween at the age of 5. I wouldn't be surprised if my notebooks from elementary school had "Ms. Michelle Hamburglar" scrawled all over the covers.) And leave Jim Gaffigan out of this!


Unsexiest? That's cray. I can't even tell these two apart. (Picture courtesy of Shmater.com)

And hey! Passover ends tomorrow!!


I call this my "bread dance." Here's hoping leavened shit just starts falling out of the sky.