Wednesday, April 19, 2006

What, Me Worry? Well, Yes Actually. All The Time. Right Now Even.

Look familiar? You may have seen me fall to my near death yesterday in front of Starbucks. If you didn't, worry not: I'll have a full report of exactly what a douchebag on two legs looks/sounds like when injuring itself during their morning commute. Apparently I'm secretly in the running for the next series of "Perfect Strangers", playing a wide-eyed and accident prone foreigner in the big ci-tay.

In other news, poor Gilbert Gottfried. He was voted the World's Unsexiest Man by a Boston publication (The Phoenix), over OSAMA BIN LADEN. I mean really, if I am to take this completely useless poll posted on a previously unheard of website (The Phoenix, MA?) seriously, don't rank the voice of the AFLAC duck as unsexier than the most unbathed member of Al Qaeda. Also baffling: Mike D. of the Beastie Boys? If I were to get The Clap from anyone, let it please be him. Robert Patrick, i.e. T-1000? One of my early childhood crushes. (I swear. But I was also Skeletor for Halloween at the age of 5. I wouldn't be surprised if my notebooks from elementary school had "Ms. Michelle Hamburglar" scrawled all over the covers.) And leave Jim Gaffigan out of this!

Unsexiest? That's cray. I can't even tell these two apart. (Picture courtesy of

And hey! Passover ends tomorrow!!

I call this my "bread dance." Here's hoping leavened shit just starts falling out of the sky.

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