Thursday, October 27, 2005

Leggo My Wallet!

Even though it was chilly out in New York tonight, I opted to walk home from work. (No small feat, Financial District to Morningside Heights). So many things happened on my walk! I spoke with nearly every member of my family (save a mentally ill sibling -- is it chilly in here, or is he bipolar?), shared a haughty look with Lauren Ambrose (which led to at least 30 minutes of giddyness -- Claire Fisher!!), listened to 3 whole songs on my iPod before it mysteriously froze, and fantasized about moving to Europe.

But there was something strange happening in New York tonight. It smelled... delicious. Very sweet. Familiar. New York smelled... like it had been COVERED in maple syrup. Now at first, I figured I had somehow gotten some on me. Fine, I didn't eat waffles today, but I brushed up against a fat person at a Duane Reade. Fat people are practically made of syrup, as we all know.

No, no this was strong. Were we being attacked? Does chemical warfare taste like memories? No, that's impossible: Pancake-lovers = Freedom-fighters. I enjoyed my deliciously fragrant hike uptown, came home and figured I had syrup on the brain or something of the sort. In fact, I completely forgot about it.

It wasn't until my roomate came home a little bit tipsy, clutching her halloween costume (this year: a slutty bee), and banged on my door to announce: "The city smells like syrup!" Well. I threw my laptop straight to the ground and shouted "I know!" Then we stared at each other in shock for over 10 minutes.

I immediately headed over to my favorite news search engine, Google (cratch), and typed in "New York Syrup". Nothing. "Manhattan Syrup Spill". Just a couple of borderline-NSFW-ewey stuff. Then on to NY1, and Gothamist. Zero! (SEE UPDATE) How can the biggest city in the world smell like Mrs. Butterworth's vagina and not raise the eyebrow of a single reporter! Well, consider my eyebrow cocked, my steno pad angled, my press hat Drudge-ified. Here's my cone people -- I need the scoop.

At the very least, I solidified my Halloween costume for this weekend.

Miiiiiight wanna avoid the blackface though.

UPDATE: I officially scoop NY Newsday!! Also, "authorities are on the case." Lemme guess:

Cheap joke? Yes. It's the only kind I can afford on my salary! (You have now just entered The Zing Zone.)

UPDATE! Gothamist is on the case! If you know any info, head over there and add to the growing list of perplexed city dwellers.

UPDATE, 10/28, 5:02 pm: NY1 still has no answers, but does offer up this completely useless poll!

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