Election Day 2004

Above: Pollsters Shake Over a Job Well Done.

God bless the fairly lazy 77th Precinct that I live in... there was no line at PS 239, where I voted, and I sashayed my ass into a booth and turned the latches with the satisfying click of democracy.

I gotta add that the guy who instructed me on how to use the voting machinery (read: huge lever) was probably around back in the days when presidential votes were tallied by a showing of hands. I'm not even being sarcastic: He was at least 94 years old, but very sweet. By the time he finished his first sentence of instructions, I had voted, eaten breakfast, and was sitting amiably on the train.

Maybe the reason why the country is so full of election fraud and polling problems is because the people running the show will soon be pulling whatever lever it is that lowers their casket into God's green earth.

In other top stories, I've had really horrible luck at the drug store in my office building recently (rhymes with "Duane Reade"). Last week, I purchased a small bear full of honey to help heal my sore throat. When I got to work, I noticed that the safety seal had been punctured. Knowing the area surrounding my office, it was clearly Merle, the neighborhood homeless man, having a little fecal Friday fun.

So I'm leaving this bottle of surely poisoned sweetness on my desk until I'm able return it. Now, every time I look westward, I catch the gaze of this menacing, silent killer. I have since covered the bottle with a napkin from Au Bon Pain.



Today, my hands were feeling a bit dry, so I purchased a hand lotion AND sanitizer in one (genius). I get back to work and flip open the cap, only to discover the entire lid to be encrusted in someone else's excess lotion. Again, I'm going with feces on this one.

And did I ever tell you the time I found a severed finger in my Snapple? I guess there'll be no more Snapp(le)ing for that guy! Oh Snap....(ple)!

Now go vote.