Today's Top Stories

- Newsflash: Seinfeld Seasons 1 - 3 comes out today on DVD. (Note the "Limited Edition Salt and Pepper Shakers"... which is ludicrous. Everyone knows there was never any pepper on Seinfeld.)

I am soooo glad this set is finally out!! I can't tell you how many times I miss the show at 6:00, 6:30, 7:00, 7:30, and 11:00 EST/PST and wish I had a disc of nebbishy hilarity readily available! Now only 2 weeks left until the Headline News Network releases their "Best of Elsa Klensch" DVD.

- Also, some video game called Halo 2 is coming out today, and is poised to rake in over $100 million dollars in its first day of sales. In a related story, the highly anticipated Jersey Girl Video Game has dissappointed retailers, raking in only sympathy for Liv Tyler.

- Arafat is dead. Or is he? No, seriously folks, he is. Psyche! He's totes on life support. (Constant misinformation via Drudge) P.S., have you seen the Mrs. lately?



Not so much Arafat, as she is Arahumongous.


- Which Historical Lunatic Are You?


Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.

Here's a small taste of what I live with every day:

Despite striking an imposing figure with your great height and good looks, your speeches were pompous to the point of incomprehensibility. You became even more of a recluse, often spending hours reading poetry in a seashell-shaped boat in your electrically-illuminated underground grotto.

- The Way I Am Going to Marry.

- The Way I Am Going To Die. It's true... Mama Cass came to me in a dream last night.

- Drunk Mooses: If this is all the Swedes have to worry about, they should consider themselves lucky. Unless these so called "mooses" are actually Al Qaeda operatives. In which case: diabolical genius.