Gas You Like It

Last night, my friend Becky had a rocking performance/birthday party at Galapagos, followed by the usual dancy-wildy-crazy karaoke antics seen in Williamsburg on a Sunday. Because of post-illness vocal limitations, I couldn't regale the crowd with my usual karaoke stand-by, Celine Dion's "It's All Coming Back To Me Now", and instead had to choose the lower-pitched "Freak Like Me" by Adina Howard.

Once my song was done (and being a total karaoke whore) I gravitated back to the binders chock full of song choices (and memories) to pick another crowd pleaser. And some... how... I ended up finding what, at the time, I thought was the funniest thing in the world. A Britney Spears parody song called "Oops I Farted Again."

Now, listen, Platinim Monocle Sally with the Sky High Brows, fart jokes are beneath me as well (aaaaaa-literally), but the idea of putting on a huge song and dance for "Oops I Farted Again" sounded like a total... dare I say... gas? No, I daren't. Because, sadly, it was never meant to be. My train people were leaving. I had to leave and never sang it.

When I arrived home, I did some web browsing. And came across one of the most entertaining reads of the year. But is it by coincidence, I ask you, that I Stumbled Upon (thank you Garth!) a site related to farts? I say no. I say that last night the stars aligned to make farts funnier and more interesting than they've been since Star Jones let one rip on the surgery table.

I promise, it might seem low brow, but check out this site and read it til the end (where the juicy questions are asked!). Chances are you'll fart 3 times during.

Facts on Farts by Brenna Lorenz

Sadly, I watched the music video for "Oops I Farted Again", and it really sucked. I'll stand by that it would've been amazing last night, but for the interests of this website, I won't post a link here.

And this post just wouldn't be right if I didn't reprint an old Hungarian limerick taught to me by my Grandfather in Tel Aviv, called, simply, Shari Neyni:

(spelled phonetically)

Shari Neyni Baboht Fuhz
Shegi Yukon Dyuhn A Gaz.

Translation:

Aunt Shari is cooking beans
And from her asshole steam is coming.


It's so much classier in French. "Tous Les Soirs" could translate into "Rose Petals and Ivory" or "A Day Without Rain", but probably means "My Lonely, Wet Fart."