Friday, April 15, 2005

Another Dick in the Wholphin

This morning, I discovered that the impossible was possible. A whale can not only successfully mate with a dolphin, but can even have children with them, "cleverly" deemed Wholphins.

And the good news: Mother Wholphin, named Kekaimalu, which is Hawaiian for "Star Jones", has given birth to a not-so-little Wholphin calf! One of the world's leading and only wholphin experts, Dr. Renato Lenzi, explains the significance of the calf: "As the only living product of a wholphin, we are given a special and unique scientific and educational opportunity." I then added, "For example, we can finally study the interior workings of a ruptured dolphin vaginal canal." Seriously, a WHALE and a DOLPHIN! Can you just picture these two striking up a convo at the local underwater dive bar?

Whale: Hi, my name's Bruce, and you are --
Dolphin: Kekaimalu. I haven't seen you around here --
Whale: Kekaimalu! That was my mother's name.
Dolphin: Really? That's strange.
Whale: Isn't it?
(1 minute pause)
(at the same time)
Dolphin: I'm gonna get a -- Whale: Do you want --
Dolphin: Oh, I.. You first Whale: Sorry --
(3 hours later, smashed)
Whale: And that's when I told her: You're suffocating me. I want out. That was about... I don't know... 2 months ago... (quiet)... I miss her awful.
Dolphin: That's terrible.
Whale: (sobbing) I miss the way she feels.... Her smell. Her eyes. (sobbing)
Dolphin: Is there anything I can do?

(2 years and one Oscar nomination later)

Also, a quick thank you to Thighmaster, who's always so kind with the linkage. Check out his hilarious site, and you'll be the watercoolest person in your office.

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