He's So Fine, Duran Duran Duran

Last night, I had the extreme pleasure of seeing Duran Duran for the second time in concert. I found my tickets on Ebay, which was brill as I ended up not having to pay the exorbitant Ticketbastard fees.

My friend and I met up at the Dallas BBQ in Chelsea for some pre-concert meat. If you've never been, I highly suggest swinging by: The food is very reasonably priced, and delish. 124 oz. of pina colada is only $7, including a coconut rum shooter. It's no Oreo Speedwagon, but it sufficed. But be warned: In the restroom I overheard a girl, talking on her cell phone while sitting on the bowl, say "Girl, my stomach is in another stratosphere." She then proceeded to have an entire conversation while crapping her brains out.

The amazing thing about Madison Square Garden is its convenience. In any other city, going to a massive stadium involves hours spent in your car: driving there, finding a spot, making a mass exodus with a million other people and sitting in traffic for an hour. MSG was a breeze. We got into the stadium at 8:45, and when Duran went on 5 minutes later, we were in our seats.


And our seats were pretty good!

Not to mention, the place was packed! With a pretty.... eclectic crowd. I wasn't sure who to expect, except for some hilarious Jersey folk (which, thank you God, you delivered.) But the majority of the crowd was older, heavy women. Lots of em. Which you don't often see so many obese women congregating together in the city, even at Weight Watchers, which the two times I ever went I was met with these anorexic whores who were so busy figuring out how many points a single lima bean would cost them they didn't have a chance to notice that their teeth were falling out. My friend commented how there were more people to see Duran than Madonna, which kind of makes sense when you consider what Madonna charges to see her bony ass lipsynch across floating, mechanical platforms. But none of that fancy stuff for Simon. The man just puts on a hot as shit outfit, pomades the do, and struts his tiny ass for two hours to wild applause.

Uch. And people. Did they put on a show. The NY Times has an excellent review, but let's see what I can add.

First of all, his voice is as crisp and clear as it has ever been. Second of all, he just owns his shit. You can't take your eyes off him! I didn't realize until this morning that this was there "reunion" tour of sorts -- I know all of their lyrics, but I'm not a rabid fan. Of course, last night you never would have known. I flipped my effing shit.


He's even hotter when he's blurred.

Save a Prayer, View to a Kill, Come Undone... and of course, the song that defined my entire adolscence, Ordinary World, which when the first few chords started I literally crumbled to the floor to cry. I tried to take a short video of them singing it, but of course, the only thing you hear is the background melody and my horrible voice BLASTING over Simon's lovely tones. Let's just say I won't be signing my contract anytime soon.

One beautiful moment I feel the need to bring up was during an acoustic version of Save a Prayer, Simon instructed his minions to take out any form of light -- cell phone, lighter, whatever -- which made the crowd look like the solar system, thousands of little lights throughout. One girl a row ahead was not fucking around -- she literally brought a grill lighter with her, her finger firmly pulling the trigger throughout. I was so distracted I forgot to ruin half the song with my ear-splitting interpretation.



They sang three or four new songs, only one of which I knew, and I wasn't terribly offended by their quality. One I liked quite a bit, although their title track, Astronaut, sounded like a fake song written for SNL in a skit about shitty 90's pop. Sing these lyrics to the crappiest 80's synth tune you can imagine:

Wasted, there's nothing gonna ace this,
And were gonna go to space it,
'Cause I'm leaving with an astronaut!

Groovin' out to X-ray specs,
Something tells me your the alien sex,
I can't imagine now what comes next,
When this astronaut connects!

Aww... but look at him. To die for.

And the best part? I briefly considered shelling out $40 for a t-shirt, and then realized they were ugly and I was crazy. But, on the way out, some guy was holding pretty cute black concert tees for $10! Sure, they smelled like Kool 100's, nonetheless, I was pleased. The concert rocked as expected. I only hope this isn't their last tour!