Monday, April 11, 2005

Location Loquacious Location

A couple of weeks ago, I became obsessed with Google Maps. "Fuck Mapquest!" I shouted through clenched teeth at barely a whisper from my cubicle. Mapquest was dead to me, like optimism and (fill in enemy name here). Google Maps was something!

In the Sunday NY Times Week In Review, there featured a cartoon showing Loony Bin Laden, huddled in a cave with a newspaper bearing the headline "Google Unveils Satellite Maps", with Bin Laden wearing a face of absolute terror. I was all "As if!", cause I was kind of hungover and pretending to read the paper as I eavesdropped on convos nearby.

BUT PEOPLE, IT'S TRUE. GOOGLE MAPS CAN NOW BE SEARCHED USING SATELLITES. Click here to see Market St. in San Francisco (via LYD), and enter your address or city to see yourself naked at only 1 millimeter high. It's CRAY CRAY PEOPLE!!! Click on the Satellite option at the top-right corner of the Google Maps site to continue with the fun.

Here's the other crazy thing. I compared satellite images of where I grew up in Miami, and where I live now in New York. Note:

Aventura, FL

Upper West Side, New York, NY

Which led to the following thought: What the fuck am I thinking?!? Check out that first pic: barely a digital stones throw from the beach! Now look at the second pic: dingy, brown, smelling faintly of urine, and costing, per centimeter, a lot more money than really anywhere in Miami. AM I INSANE, FRIENDS?

Then I remembered: I hate the beach. And one thing that these "satellite pictures" won't tell you is that Miami is a vacuum almost completely devoid of any sort of culture (other than the culture of Marshall's and T.J. Maxx, of which I earned an CMFA -- Cheap Motherfuckin Asshole). I don't have to tell you guys what it's like living in New York. Let these pictures I took this evening on a 5 mile shlep up the Hudson and beyond do the talking. (Can you tell I got a new camera???)


The ultimate in panic attacks: Times Square.

And hey, when you're feeling down? Laugh at Jersey!

Finally, my late night attempt at creating a "transparent screen"...

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