Wednesday, April 13, 2005

Aberzombies My Bitch

Today has been heart-palpitatingly hectic -- I spent all morning typing up a 50 page document only to get it back with huge X marks over 49 of the pages -- in the end, my boss needed a literal paragraph of the doc, but was too "busy" to "make herself clear."

Two stories did stand-out from my daily news skimming:

The Boy Who Stole a Corpse's Head to Make a Bong

The Post said it best in their "News of the Weird" column: Let's hope it doesn't get any worse than this.

Seriously - a HEAD as a BONG! What's next -- using Kirstie Alley's ass to demonstrate plate techtonics? Anyone? (punching myself in the face) Is this thing on?!?!

Secondly, Dan Savage has probably the best opening line of any of his past columns. Throat clear:

I'm a pretty normal guy except for one thing: I'm sexually attracted to zombies.

Hey! It's cool, Guy! I'm sexually attracted to this thing!:

[via BruniDigest]

I have big plans for tonight! My friend Jon and I will be headed over to Dallas BBQ, where will will stuff our faces with charred meats and Bacardi 151. We will then head over to MSG, not the bloated intestinal track of an elderly Chinese woman, rather Madison Square Garden, where we will see DURAN DURAN in all of their glory. This will be my second concert, following a jaunt a few years back at Jones Beach which rocked my uterine lining to its very core. If interested in meeting me, I'll be the girl with the nosebleed conducting the orchestra with two large, meaty ribs, crying during Ordinary World.

Best song ever.

Note: This band bears little to no relation to the band Darien Darien, although these motherfuckers really know how to put on a show.

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