Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Michelle's Olympic Round-up: Day 2

Urzica, I've Found It!

My eyes are bloodshot, my blood sugar down, but finger by finger I deliver the latest from Athens, Greece.

1. Men's Gymanstics

Congratulations are in order for the U.S. Men's Gymanstics Team, who took home the Silver medal yesterday following a tight race with the Japanese team. I thought the routines were pretty great all around, even if the "Homm" Twins sound like their mouths are fleshy kazoos.

The Gold-medalling Japanese were completely no nonsense and pretty much void of emotion throughout. The gold-medalists of my heart, though, had to be the Romanian Men's Team. NBC's typical heavy-handed emotional intro showed the team practicing in one of Bucharest's many fine abandoned warehouses, attempting pommel horse on petrified cow carcasses, having a quick tousle in the hay with the fellas, then being tucked into their beds made of nails and heartbreak... Their montage, however, could not compete with China's, where, after showing a family of 12 clinging for life to a speeding aluminum scooter, the announcer explained "But this isn't your typical American street corner... This is China."

Of all the Romanian's, my favorite gymnast has to be Dick Smothers. About to turn 65 years old, and still looking great.

2. Badminton

So far, the Asians are telling the Europeans to suck their shuttlecocks.

Which leads me to ask: How can something so bad-minton feel so completely-unwatchable-minton?

3. Synchronized Diving

LOVE LOVE LOVE! Sadly, I was only able to catch the Women's Final last night, but it still delivered. These two 15 year old Russian skanks came out of nowhere to take Silver, while two miniature Chinese girls Kung Pao'd the competition, then General Tsao'd the crowds, taking the Gold.

My favorite is when the team is so poorly matched in size. The whole idea is that the dives have to be exactly alike - including the time they hit the water. So what genius paired up that Australian Laurel and Hardy I ask you? There were the Chinese, Olsen-twin-like in their grace and rib-exposure, and then this pair of Australian girls roll in like Janet Reno and Donna Shalala in a three-legged race. It's kind of hard to "synch" up when your partner is twice your size.

And congrats to the Men's Greek Synch Diving Team!! I'm sure they celebrated that night bathing in tzatziki and throwing back a coupla grape leaves stuffed with heroin and satisfaction.

4. Swimming

Blah blah blah, I'm tired of it already. Now I wanna know, what is Michael Phelpscch listening to on those noise-cancelling headphones of his? My bet is on Les Miserables... nothing gets those enzymes burning like a hammed up version of "Castle on a Cloud", you know what I mean?

I was quite pleased with the results yesterday - Thorpedo winning the "Race of a Lifetime", Coughlin's Gold, and the old soul Aaron Peirsol taking first in the 100M Backstroke.

SIDENOTE: I'd like to award an honorary medal to Pieter van den Hoogenband of the Netherlands, for having the most fun and uptight name to say. I've probably said it about 400 times since Saturday, for no particular reason. Congratulations PVDH!

© youcantmakeitup - Design by birdbranch
Site Meter