Thursday, September 02, 2004

Post Haste

This post would've been up sooner, but I was instructed to reorganize the ENTIRE library while the other soulless, half-dead workers smoked their life away in front of my building. It won't be long until they're grim reaping the benefits.

4Whaddya get when you cut 50 bras in half? One hundred yarmulkes. Whaddya get when you sew them back together? See for yourself.

4Feeling retired? Head over to Florence, Oregon, voted best place to retire in the U.S.. Locals frequent The Duomo Fried Chicken Hut, and catch the latest in cutting edge cinema Galleria Uffizi 48 Theater Megaplex/IMAX. Afterwards, head to the River Arno Watering Hole, unless you're a Guinea, and then stay the hell off of their property.

4The Museum of Sex has been removed from the RNC's list of discounted attractions. The Museum of Pleated-Khaki-Wearing Sexually Repressed Men with Outlandish Fetishes has been added in its place.

Likes to ride unicycles backwards while you read him love sonnets and pee in his mouth.

4Locals in Reno are trying to get in the record books for making an 8,000 pound burrito. Not the record for World's Largest Burrito, but for the World's Largest Synchronized Diarrhea Attack.

4Hey fellas, looking for an easy way to get out of a relationship? Have your lady friend try this Poison Bracelet on for size!

4E PLURBUS POO-NUM: Doctor's in Thailand were performing surgery on a man, when they discovered 4.2 pounds of loose change in his abdomen. The doctor reported that the man is "in safe condition", without a hint of irony.

4A man has his penis bitten off by dog. Police warn to steer clear of this rabid beast, picture below:

Hey pal, that's no chew toy.

4And finally, the worst Personality Test I've ever seen.

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