Thursday, August 26, 2004

Au Bon Pain in the Ass

Every morning at around 9:30 in the a.m. (stalkers, take note), I adjust my beret, comb my moustache, and pop down to Au Bon Pain, the local boulangerie where I buy baked accoutrements. And every morning, I make my way to the counter, slide my order over to the sandwich man, and stand around. I must admit, I have something of a Norm-like quality there. The staffers make my presence known the moment I cross the rusty threshold. "MC!" one shouts from accross the room. "Hey Em Ceeee!" another bellows, much in the same way I imagine Biggie Smalls is greeted at that big Wendy's in the sky.

This morning began as usual. While waiting around for my bagel and egg, I noticed a plasma screened computer station linked up to the Au Bon Pain website (a great time killer at work, bee tee dubs.) Someone before me had been checking out the nutritional info on a jalepeno/asiago cheese bagel (4 gms of fat, 360 calories). Being the health nut that I am (macadamia), I decided to see the fat content on my scooped 97 grain bagel, when I see the absolute WEIRDEST disclaimer, nay, promotional tag line on the bottom-right of the screen. Quote:
Enjoy Au Bon Pain, as featured on "The Geena Davis Show"!

I don't really think this needs explanation, but to those readers out there in Tuvalu (you know who you are!), here goes. "The Geena Davis Show", or "Being Slammed in the Crotch with a Mallet" as it is sometimes called, starred the glorious Geena Davis for about 15 minutes of shame between 2000 and 2001, the year it was cancelled.

The show was universally poo-pooed for its complete lack of humor and watchability. So why, I ask you, would Au Bon Pain be PROMOTING themselves (with exclamation points, no less!) by reminding us that they were featured on the show (in what capacity, I'm dying to know). Really, this is like Volkswagen coming out with a campaign called "Volkswagen: It's Hitler's People-mobile of Choice!"... or something to that extent.

Also, they might want to think about updating the site, considering Davis' show was cancelled 3 years ago. I'm sure they could sneak in a Southwestern Tuna Wrap on "Yes, Dear" or "Hope and Faith" or some other garbage.

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