Monday, August 23, 2004

Michelle's Olympic Round-Up 4: Weekend Edition

This weekend was chock full of wonderful Olympic coverage. All it takes is for me to hear the familiar "Glong-Gloooong-Glong" of the NBC chimes for my heart to start racing and my eyes to well up with tears. My stomach is brimming with Yankee-Doodly-Candy, and I'm feelin' America like I never have before. I truly believe that come closing ceremonies, I'm going to have a nervous breakdown, as I have nothing else to look forward to until Winter 2006.

Your round-up is thus:

1. Blasting from NBC's Stereotypes

First up, we have the Men's 100M Dash (aka the Race for the "Fastest Man in the World"), involving three American superstars: Maurice Green, 2000's Gold Medallist, "Man v. Beast" competitor Shawn Crawford, and the winner of the race, 22-year-old Justin Gatlin.

Here's my side of beef: For those of you keeping track, NBC goes all out with their motivational biographies. Bob Costas is the Itzhak Perlman of my heartstrings, plucking and strumming like a crippled virtuoso of emotion.

But during yesterday's Mo Green montage, I noticed that they were playing rap music as the background to some Y-T's voiceover. While the music did have a certain edge to it, I hadn't heard it played for any of the other competitors all last week. Now, maybe I'm a Sensitive Sally, but it kind of pissed me off. It seems WAY too obvious to blast rap music behind three of America's best black athletes. Let's just hope that 12 years from now, when ol' Paddlehands (my eventual ping-pong moniker) struts out onto the table tennis court, they don't cut to clips of me Deidel-Deidel-Deeing to Klezmer music while holding big bulging sacks with conspicuosly painted $ $ $ signs on the front, and wearing a bikini made of bagels and greed.

2. Lord of the Rings: Celebrity Steez

Malkovich and Stiller Looking Hyper-Masculino. (Click to Enlarge)

The Men's Rings competition was on fire yesterday! Never did I dream I'd be able to see John Malkovich and Ben Stiller battle it out for first place. Oscar Gold? Maybe. But Olympic Gold?! Never! Malkovich ended up edging out Stiller for the top prize, although word has it Stiller has just beaten out Malkovich for the lead in Scorsese's upcoming "Movie About a Short Jewish Neurotic Guy".

3. Our Favorite Little Ostrich

Svetlana Khorkina, a.k.a. "The 5'4" Giantess", is on another typical Russian tirade. This time, she spits on the careers of Carly Patterson along with a number of other robotic munchkins, as only an anorexic, flightless bird could. She accuses the sport of lacking artistic qualities, and rewarding mechanical tumblers over grace and elegance (which she loosely translated in Russian to "svetlana" and "khorkina".)

I agree with her wholeheartedly -- the sport is definitely missing something. Although have you guys see the Trampoline event?! Best. Event. Ever.

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