Small Wonder

Above, it's a small bird after all.

Here are the top stories in today's Tiny News:

First off, a doozy of a CNN Headline: Tiniest preemie now 'just a normal teen'. At birth, she weighed less than a pound and could fit into the palm of your hand, perfect for that professional parent on the go. Where is Anne Geddes when you need her? Imagine that tiny baby dressed up like a tiny bumblebee!! Oh Jesus. NEVER MIND.

This reminds me of my favorite Sarah Silverman joke: You know people are always talking about babies having babies. "Babies having babies! Babies having babies!" they say. But you know? If babies could have babies? They'd be sooooo small.

Eeny Meeny Tiny Poo: When Tasmanian scientists aren't busy spinning really fast and eating their young, they're off researching plankton. It's finally paid off: Dr. Karin Beaumont has come out with a report blaming Plankton Poo on Global Warming. Jeez, can they blame it on anything smaller? I'm gonna come out with a report blaming tornados on Ben Affleck's dick and the deficit on little Jewish babies.

MOVING ON! Congratulations to the Too-Cute Tiny Twosome, the Hamm Twins. Morgan for his adorable littleness, and Paul for triumphing over a catastrophic vault and taking the Gold Medal as the All-Around Best Male Gymnast. You know, something tells me he's used to coming from behind. ZING!