Tons of Mon-day

Well Hello! How was your weekend? Oh, sorry to hear that. Ehh, it was alright. Well you know how it is. Mmhmm. No, but I heard good things about it. He said what?! You are so much better than that!

Now that that's out of the way, here is some more of what you love.

4The Soup Nazi's are invading America. Next thing you know, those Jew-hating bastard Frenchies are going to have their fancy schmancy Au Bon Pain's on the corner of every 1234 United States Lane.

4 There's a toilet paper shortage in Connecticut. Residents plan on using shredded Lacoste polos, crisp 100's, and the hands of the poor instead.

4 Beauty Pageants aren't just for good-looking law-abiding youngsters anymore. [via Blogmonkey]

4 Take out a crayon and some lined paper, and draw your own conclusion: Explanation Sought for Lobster Decline. Dot Dot Dot. Woman Eats 38 Lobsters to Win Contest.

4 Tails from the Back Side: A Cambodian baby has been born with a tail. Mother explains that baby really takes after its father.



4 New fan-site related to the Chinese Gymnastics Team debuts.

4Armed robbers in Norway steal Edward Munch's famous painting "The Scream." Museum curators are begging for return of "World's Most Valuable Mousepad".

4 Finally, "Granny D" Haddock, a 94-year-old wheezing old woman stricken with numerous ailments, runs for office in New Hampshire. Armed with a wild turkey feather in her cap, she plans on walking 200 miles to garner support for her campaign.

"I am not a nice old lady,"

She hissed, while force feeding her great-grandchildren piping hot cookies and taking a hate-fueled afternoon nap following some heat exhaustion. The article ends on a depressing note:

If she pulls off the upset, Haddock says she will serve only one term. She turns 101 at the end of her term.

Ay noooo!