Tuesday, August 24, 2004

Just Stop, Collaborate, and Would It Kill You to Listen to Your Mother for Once?

4First up, we have an Indian man who has strapped his blind mother into a hobo-like backpack and is schlepping her on a 17 YEAR TREK (!) across India (of which he's already completed 8 years.) Hey guy... Oedipus called. He wants his complex back. No, he didn't leave a number. Well, maybe he's listed... I'm really sorry, I was busy cooking. My hands were full! Well, next time take your own message asshole.

4Keep the spirit alive! At least, that's the case in two separate incidents reported this morning. First, a family in South Africa is refusing to bury a 77-year-old corpse, as they believe he'll be resurrected. You know, that's the same thing they said about Jackee's career, and look how that turned out.

4Also related, the corpse of a teenager who passed away in 1968 has been kept in his family's home for 36 years, after a "Medicine Man" told the father he believed they had buried the their son alive. The Medicine Man then added that it would be only a coupla more years until the boy scores his own red carpet stunt on E!

4Scientists have discovered that people with asymmetrical extremities are more likely to get into fights. In other words, stay clear of this kid:

"I didn't hear what you said, bitch. Say it again to my face!"

4 Shit's All in the Timing: A horse about to compete in an Olympic Equestrian Event called "Safety!" yesterday, after placing turd before the event. The Swiss horse, delightfully named Tinka's Boy, stopped 10M before the hurdle, knitted his equine brow, and popped a squat in front of 8,000 spectators. And, in case you were wondering, the Swiss word for "horse apples" is "Pferdeaepfel", which I believe is also what they call Volkswagen's and Ikea furniture.

4And finally, a woman has locked herself into a bear trap. The woman, pictured below, was quoted as saying "Bear trap! Oh my! Oh no no no no... I was looking for the Dress Shoppe! Maybelline's Ole Dress Shoppe! What an unlikely mistake! Ha ha... ha. See you later, gentlemen." She then whispered to one cop "Call me."

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