Monday, August 30, 2004

Today's 90% Animal Edition

4In a sure sign of the Apocalypse, a dog has given birth to a kitten. This will be the most shocking story until 8 months from now, when the Devil will give birth to a Popple.

4Zoo-Loft Prescription: It's good to know it's not just us intelligencia getting panic attacks. First, scientists have discovered a way to calm anxious sheep in England: Show them picture of other sheep. One exception to the rule was when Wooley, a female sheep, was shown a picture of Drake, her philandering, no-good, two-timing husband of hers, and immediately exploded.

4Also, Feili, a Chinese Chimp, has taken to spitting at visitors and chain smoking after becoming sexually frustrated during her failed attempt at finding a compatible mate. Hey, Feili, a "friend" of mine wants me to tell you that you should try chewing on ice and finger-plucking arm-hairs to get you through those lonely times. My "friend" also really likes to macrame. Needlepoint's not so bad either.

4Matt Damon's Uncle becomes oldest man to swim English Channel at 70. Matt Damon becomes the most famous nephew of anyone who ever swam the English Channel... Sources now tell me that actor Keith Coogan's, aka Kenny from Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead, Uncle has, in fact, swum the English Channel. All I have to say to Matty D. is "Um, Mrs. Crandell? Mom's home."

Keith says "Thanks for mentioning me on your blog!! xoxo KC"

4So the Olympics are over. Who needs them! Savor these clips from the Animal Olympics. ... Speaking of animals, did you see Carly Patterson at the MTV Music Awards yesterday? When the camera panned across the Olympic faces, it went straight from Patterson's SJP-like lionface straight to 6'2" Kerri Walsh's crotch. That, friends, makes me laugh.

4Finally, Jaws in 30 Seconds, as interpreted by animated bunnies. [via Thighs]

And to complete the animal theme...

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