If Shel Silverstein Had Down Syndrome

A friend who shall remain nameless received this poem via text messaging from a jilted lover who lives abroad. Even though the two are “not dating”, he’s still coming for a one time visit to sink his one-eyed Johnny in the hole. And while I literally have no idea what that means, he also is likely going to have sex with her.

Keep in mind this poem was sent by a stranger, a foreigner no less… I left all the misspellings in their ignorant, uneducated, funny-sounding glory:

Sweet Susie Ann I'm laying my head on the pillow,
and putting my dreams on the rim.
Letting my fantasy spin me
Spining all and spin within

If you cry out "Gin!", I'll top you with Rommy,
Oh no don't you laugh, that crap was not funny.
Show me your life,
and I'll jig and I'll jive
And dance for the coming of the day I arrive
to you!

Hahaha… the “to you!” might be my favorite part. I picture it sounding like someone cliff diving and shouting it out as he falls -- to youuuu! -- the last “ooo” fading out the further he drops.