Monday, October 10, 2005

Happy Columbus Day!

Nothing says "Happy Columbus Day" like a picture of Nicollete Sheridan and a confused chimp with a diaper full of shit.

Thank GOD I am able to share this beautiful, rainy holiday with the company of my coworkers! You know sometimes, how you have the day off on the holiday, and you think to yourself "Gee, I love Christmas with the fam and all, but I would love to see my boss's eyes light up as she tears open the gifts to her presents!"

Who wants to watch Maury and Tyra while laying in bed, eating Baked Doritos with one hand and solving a Rubik's Cube with the other, when instead I can sit in my poorly lit, meat-locker of a padded cell and make small talk about world issues like "train safety" and "The Apprentice" (Trump's version only, in this office!)? (pathetically creepy party blower sound).

A few things to tidy up the morning:

- I'm one of these girls who parades around town as though I'm above "Chick Lit" and/or related feature films. In my book, Love Actually, Bridget Jones and Notting Hill are really British comedies... look, Hope Floats I got as a "gift", and "Ya-Ya Sisterhood" is a killer snuff film, so lay off.

This weekend, I accidentally saw "In Her Shoes" (the story begins and ends at Capote being sold out), and if by "hate" you mean "laughed a little, cried a little, peed my pants a little, sat through it again 6 more times", then I seriously "hated" it. And because I love sarcasm quotes, see the movie if only to catch Cameron Diaz "pretend" she's "illiterate."


- Same goes for "Honey, I Shrunk The Kids." Apparently an employee of NASA took time out of his failing career to screen the film and add this nugget to the IMDB "Goofs" section:

Plot holes: Shrinking is supposedly done by merely reducing the distances between atoms, keeping the mass of the shrunk object the same. There is ample evidence during the film that the shrunk children's mass has decreased roughly proportionally to their decrease in volume.

In unrelated news, here's a still from Clint Eastwood's upcoming movie "One Proud Tampon."

And a quick "Whatever Happened To" going out to Rick Moranis. If you're in town, pick up a phone!

Also Bring The Tissues To This Great Cinematic Adventure:

Killer Condom (Of course, it's French)

- Finally: OMG!! Supreme Court Justice Harriet Miers chose ME as the first BLOG to add to her "Blog Role"!!! LOLOLOL!!!* I will vote that bitch on the bench RIGHT NOW.

*For real, I'm so honored, I nearly wept. The site is HILARIE CLINTON.

For America's favorite party girl, the time is always "Half Past Out." Yeah, I went there.

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