Monday, February 07, 2005

Superbowl Punday

I'm like most red-blooded Americans when it comes to Superbowl Sunday. However, where most people like to drink beer, eat wings and watch the game, I, on the other hand, drink Nantucket Nectars, eat blintzes, and wait in eager anticipation to see all the Bowl-puns in action.

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Yesterday was a delightful surprise. While flipping channels during the game, I stumbled across Animal Planet, which was showing the Puppy Bowl. The Puppy Bowl was a brilliant concept gone wrong: 5 interchangeable puppies frolicked and played in a half-assed cardboard stadium. The puppies were winners (esp. a tiny, white Jack Russell terrier with balls of steel), but whoever decided that they should stream through awful, 1976 elevator music over the delightful images is a schmuck through and through. This is a show aimed at maniacs like me, and I could only stand to watch 3 minutes of it.

In an un-related story, how to give your puppy neck cancer.

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Puppy Bowl got my pun-synapses firing, so after a quick Google search, I discovered that there is also a Pooper Bowl, which (thankfully) is mostly safe for work, although the site does contain some disturbing images. Namely:

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The most disturbing thing ain't the woman on the crapper with a turkey on her head. Rather the salt-and-peppa-haired gent in the 1987 Skidz.

The Food Network hit a homerun (wrong sport analogy?) with their Supper Bowl, hosted by everyone's favorite agoraphobic, depressed divorcee, Paula Deen, who I've only recently become acquainted with thanks to an obsessed friend. Among many other gems, by far my favorite sentence in her bio is "Two years later, with The Bag Lady growing too large for a home-based operation..." (note obese picture), which will clearly be my tag line in T-minus-3 years ago.

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But by far the most grating "Bowl" to irritate straight men everywhere had to be Bravo's "Faaaaaaaabulous Bowl!" (Jazz hands and extra a's mine), which is really a Queer Eye Marathon in cheap's clothing.

Overall, I found the ups and downs in yesterday's game to be just that: lapses of flipping over to America's Funniest Home Videos (always a champ in my eyes), and hoping that an awesome commercial would pop up (which seldomly happened). The highlight for me was the Half-Time Show, where Paul McC sang one of my top 15 favorite Wings songs of all time, "Live and Let Die", with a rousing fireworks display emphasizing all the right parts. Although, for a minute there, I thought I was watching the Super-JOWL!!! Zing, Greatest Musician of All Time!

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Aaaaaand full circle, people.

Pun Side Note: A woman in England discovered that she was pregnant with 4 IDENTICAL QUADRUPLETS even though she was on birth control. Watch those kids be born with like 5-foot-long beards. The Daily Mirror really "delivered" (gunshot) with this headline:

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